Doing my “It”!

It’s been one week and a day since I crossed off one of my “its” on my BIG dream list. I delivered the keynote address at the Women In Transition 2022 Summer Workshop. You would have thought that I was speaking at the Oscars because of my preparation for this awesome occasion. I promised myself in 2020 to “do it in fear” – whatever my “it” was! Well this was an “It” moment! I was equally excited and nervous to share my vulnerabilities, fears and dreams with a room of mostly strangers.

I couldn’t let fear block me from an opportunity to stand before my fellow women in transition to speak, inspire and connect. I asked myself so many questions as I prepared my talking points. Which life story would I share? How could I craft my words around a common theme that leads to action? Would my message be received or rejected? I didn’t want to make this an “all about me” talk. Or come off as so “put together” that my stories of when I wasn’t would seem inauthentic.

My theme came to me a couple of days after I thought about the workshop theme of “Restoring your mind, body and spirit”. It was so me! I decided to speak about “The Old, New Me”. Sound familiar? Well I hope that it does because it was one of my blog posts. It has received the most emotional reactions and comments since I launched my blog. The Old, New Me is about my personal evolution that took me from allowing fear to rule my life, to ruling my fear!

“Fear doesn’t rule me. I rule my fear!”

Kimalon Dixon and WIT Attendees

Tough truths

I exposed parts of myself in my blog post and speech that were tough realizations after attending the https://moniqueinc.co Power of Vision Retreat in 2020. The climax of the retreat was a moment of raw honesty for me. I realized that I had stopped dreaming. Unfortunately, I had lost myself to anxiety, depression and the spirit of perfectionism from a series of life-changing events that changed me for the worst. However, it also speaks of my journey during these past 2 years that led me to find new joy and purpose. I think that these are experiences that most women (and men) can relate.

I prayed for God to use my words in this space. And He did! I found my rhythm after shaking off the nervous energy during my introduction. There were moments when I felt my eyes tear when I saw women (some who looked like me and others who didn’t) nod their heads in agreement. It was awesome when the room of women (and one man) make the commitment to rule their fear and to do their “it”! I really felt the power of my own words when I made the analogy of becoming the old, new me with the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly. Here’s a little secret for you – I was talking about myself.

My message struck me when I said, “I wonder if the caterpillar knows that it’s destined to be a butterfly. Could it be that some of you are like the caterpillar who didn’t know that it was destined to be a butterfly?” I felt my eyes water when I said it because I remember my caterpillar phase. There had been moments when life pressed me down so hard that I only saw the world with the flat, one-dimensional vision that comes from crawling on your belly just to make it to the next day. I am so grateful to be on the other side of this phase of my life experiences. Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days. But I am doing more than existing – I am living!

“Think about the caterpillar who didn’t know that it was destined to be a butterfly… until one fine day when it felt itself changing.”

Kimalon dixon

I now live with a fierce protection of my peace. I removed my cloak of perfectionism and stand in my “no” for self-preservation instead of people-pleasing. And I’ve also learned the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is grand, but I savor moments of joy. I live in expectancy that good things are coming my way. And I begin each day with the affirmation that, “something good is going to happen to me today”! I am drawn to life-filling experiences instead of life-depleting ones. Living in JOY is requires the intentionality and action that I readily take.

Time really flew when I was having fun with my new found sisters in transition. My husband greeted me and helped me off the stage after I closed my talk. He whispered in my ear, “great job, Babe”! It felt so awesome to be received with love, acceptance and pride by him, the conference organizers and audience members. It wasn’t the rejection that fear had tried to tell me to expect. I can’t really describe the feeling of inner-jubilation that I felt as I sat down. My spirit leaped for JOY!

A Picture of the Old, New Me

A few of the ladies came over during the session break and told me that they enjoyed my talk. Some asked for hugs and promised to join my blog community.

There was one woman in particular that will forever be a part of my becoming story. Her name is Gwen Garth. Gwen is a local artist, activist, organizer among other things. She is truly a phenomenal woman with a powerful testimony of redemption and victory. Her art may be seen around town in various places. Gwen presented me with a beautiful picture of “the old, new me” that she drew during my talk. I love the picture because she captured my confidence and exuberance that I feel in my restored self. The picture also shows me standing in my rediscovered joy and new purpose.

Oh, yes…I am the old, new me who is ready to soar in my new purpose and joy like a butterfly.