I am humming, “age ain’t nothin’ but a number… by Aaliyah as I type the thoughts that are being dictated in my mind.” Yes, I’m a 70’s baby who came of age in the 1990’s. I celebrated my 50th Queen Day last year and will be 51 in less than one month.

Last week, I was plagued by the thought that I had wasted my life because I didn’t have biological babies. I felt as if my alarm clock went off and I didn’t hear it until missed my window of opportunity had passed. As someone who works to put her counseling sessions into practice, I reflected to understand where the root of this thought grew from. How did I get my perception of aging? Why don’t I feel my age? Well at least mentally – LOL! I deduced that it was because my family culture defies age! 

Long LIFErs!

We are a family of long LIFErs! We live out loud and for a long time. My Dad fathered me and my brother in his mid-late 40’s. Mom went back to college at 40 and achieved her nursing degree in her mid-forties. My Aunts and Uncles (on Dad’s side) lived well into their 80’s, 90’s and even 100’s! I am from a lineage of age-defying folks. For me, age is more than a number. It is something to grow into with style and grace, like a pair of new leather shoes. They’re snug when you first put them on, but with time they contour to the uniqueness of your feet and become your perfect fit! 

As I put two and two together, I thought that I had more time when it came to having a baby. I lived my Life Out Loud in the prime of my child bearing years, affectionately known as my “Roaring 20’s”. I worked late; traveled some; mad dumb ass decisions; fell in like – once or twice, or maybe a few times; partied and by the time that I looked up….I was in my 30’s. By then, I realized that it was more to life than having a good time. 

Getting my “ish” together!

My third decade of life was devoted to “getting my ish” together. I went back to school for my MBA, budgeted, paid my bills on time; became a caregiver for my aging Dad…and got serious about life. Sure, I had a bunch of situationships and thought that they were promising at the time, but none led to anything meaningful, but disappointment and tears. I remember excitedly telling one of my girlfriends about a guy who I had met and was excited about. She was like, “but you said that the other one could be the one?” Then I replied, “he was almost the one..until he wasn’t.” Pinkie promise that I will tell you about my “9 week phenomena” at another time.

Surviving and thriving!

Anywho, I fell into the same survival pattern as many of my black sisters do, I adopted the “IDGAF” mentality and worked to achieve my non-mommy related goals. I threw myself into my work because it was the only thing that I could control and produce outcomes that matched my efforts. I was promoted into management; received local and state recognition for my work; traveled; kicked it with my girls in our monthly book club kickbacks; bought my first house and adopted my dog baby. I was living the black American girl dream – sans the family that I desired. I’m going to wait to share about my fourth decade for another time.

As I sit here, still humming Aaliyah…I am now nodding in agreement – “age ain’t nothing but a number.” Truth – it’s taken me longer than most to enjoy the life that I have now. I am a wife, doggy Mom to Cooper, bonus Mom and Grandma (AKA Ms. Kim). But I am living in truth to my family culture of “age defiers”! And I plan to keep living in defiance of the pre-set rules and expectations of society. I am going to age in stride with grace and style in my well-worn leather shoes…with red bottoms even! 

When my mind takes me on a journey that I can’t control, it helps me to remind myself what is true. (*Shout out to my AWESOME counselor Lisa McCraney, Hope to Healing).

Truth-telling

Truth – I am in a constant state of blooming. Good seed always produces multiple blooms in its due season. 

Truth – my latter days are greater than my former. I have more smiles in my life now than tears.

Truth – I am defying my biological age and will Live Out Loud for as long as I can.

Truth – age is a number, but it doesn’t have to define who I am. I will relish in it and enjoy the “mores” that come along – more wisdom, more IDGAF, more truth and more of ME!