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Doing my “It”!
It’s been one week and a day since I crossed off one of my “its” on my BIG dream list. I delivered the keynote address at the Women In Transition 2022 Summer Workshop. You would have thought that I was speaking at the Oscars because of my preparation for this awesome occasion. I promised myself in 2020 to “do it in fear” – whatever my “it” was! Well this was an “It” moment! I was equally excited and nervous to share my vulnerabilities, fears and dreams with a room of mostly strangers.
Tri-C Women In Transition Program flyer I couldn’t let fear block me from an opportunity to stand before my fellow women in transition to speak, inspire and connect. I asked myself so many questions as I prepared my talking points. Which life story would I share? How could I craft my words around a common theme that leads to action? Would my message be received or rejected? I didn’t want to make this an “all about me” talk. Or come off as so “put together” that my stories of when I wasn’t would seem inauthentic.
Photo by Tri-C Women In Transition Program My theme came to me a couple of days after I thought about the workshop theme of “Restoring your mind, body and spirit”. It was so me! I decided to speak about “The Old, New Me”. Sound familiar? Well I hope that it does because it was one of my blog posts. It has received the most emotional reactions and comments since I launched my blog. The Old, New Me is about my personal evolution that took me from allowing fear to rule my life, to ruling my fear!
“Fear doesn’t rule me. I rule my fear!”
Kimalon Dixon and WIT AttendeesTough truths
I exposed parts of myself in my blog post and speech that were tough realizations after attending the https://moniqueinc.co Power of Vision Retreat in 2020. The climax of the retreat was a moment of raw honesty for me. I realized that I had stopped dreaming. Unfortunately, I had lost myself to anxiety, depression and the spirit of perfectionism from a series of life-changing events that changed me for the worst. However, it also speaks of my journey during these past 2 years that led me to find new joy and purpose. I think that these are experiences that most women (and men) can relate.
Photo by Platinum Shutter Photography I prayed for God to use my words in this space. And He did! I found my rhythm after shaking off the nervous energy during my introduction. There were moments when I felt my eyes tear when I saw women (some who looked like me and others who didn’t) nod their heads in agreement. It was awesome when the room of women (and one man) make the commitment to rule their fear and to do their “it”! I really felt the power of my own words when I made the analogy of becoming the old, new me with the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly. Here’s a little secret for you – I was talking about myself.
Photo by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash My message struck me when I said, “I wonder if the caterpillar knows that it’s destined to be a butterfly. Could it be that some of you are like the caterpillar who didn’t know that it was destined to be a butterfly?” I felt my eyes water when I said it because I remember my caterpillar phase. There had been moments when life pressed me down so hard that I only saw the world with the flat, one-dimensional vision that comes from crawling on your belly just to make it to the next day. I am so grateful to be on the other side of this phase of my life experiences. Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days. But I am doing more than existing – I am living!
Photo by Platinum Shutter Photography “Think about the caterpillar who didn’t know that it was destined to be a butterfly… until one fine day when it felt itself changing.”
Kimalon dixonI now live with a fierce protection of my peace. I removed my cloak of perfectionism and stand in my “no” for self-preservation instead of people-pleasing. And I’ve also learned the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is grand, but I savor moments of joy. I live in expectancy that good things are coming my way. And I begin each day with the affirmation that, “something good is going to happen to me today”! I am drawn to life-filling experiences instead of life-depleting ones. Living in JOY is requires the intentionality and action that I readily take.
Photo by Platinum Shutter Photography Time really flew when I was having fun with my new found sisters in transition. My husband greeted me and helped me off the stage after I closed my talk. He whispered in my ear, “great job, Babe”! It felt so awesome to be received with love, acceptance and pride by him, the conference organizers and audience members. It wasn’t the rejection that fear had tried to tell me to expect. I can’t really describe the feeling of inner-jubilation that I felt as I sat down. My spirit leaped for JOY!
A Picture of the Old, New Me
The Old, New Me by Gwen Garth A few of the ladies came over during the session break and told me that they enjoyed my talk. Some asked for hugs and promised to join my blog community.
There was one woman in particular that will forever be a part of my becoming story. Her name is Gwen Garth. Gwen is a local artist, activist, organizer among other things. She is truly a phenomenal woman with a powerful testimony of redemption and victory. Her art may be seen around town in various places. Gwen presented me with a beautiful picture of “the old, new me” that she drew during my talk. I love the picture because she captured my confidence and exuberance that I feel in my restored self. The picture also shows me standing in my rediscovered joy and new purpose.
Oh, yes…I am the old, new me who is ready to soar in my new purpose and joy like a butterfly.
Photo by Daniel Klein on Unsplash -
Hold on to your happy!
My birthday is at the beginning of June and I celebrate the entire month. I am notorious for keeping my decorations up for an entire month – especially my cards. Why, you may ask? It’s simple, because looking at my cards makes me happy. And displaying them for an entire month (and sometimes beyond) helps me to hold on to my happy! I feel a sense of jubilation when I open the envelope and read the printed or handwritten words on my cards that express the unique range of human emotions from faith, joy, humor and love. So walking by the cards each day after my birthday helps me to recall that moment and hold on to my happy!
One year, I even broke the rules and kept my fully decorated Christmas tree up until February because it made me happy. No, I wasn’t having an emotional melt-down. I was holding on to my happy!
There is a clear distinction between gratitude and holding on to your happy. We live in a world that forces us to rush through life, especially the joy-filled moments that are meant to be savored.
I am encouraging you to savor each enjoyable experience, feeling or person. Resist the urge to move onto the next thing in the midst of your “right now” thing! It really means staying in the present moment without time traveling to the future. This is what it means to hold on to your happy!
The test of my happy!
Holding onto my happy was a test for me this week. Last week was wonderful! I ran my first 5K Bubble Run with my best friend (read my Just do the thing! post for details); attended two energizing community meetings; and felt a sense of long-awaited, social normalcy that I haven’t experienced in the past two years. I know that you can feel the imminent “until” looming. It was all kicks and giggles until I tested positive for COVID then my happy came to a screeching halt!
This post is not going to be about COVID because it’s a sensitive issue for all of us, especially those who have lost loved ones or who are still experiencing lingering effects. I give you my sincerest empathy and respect. However, I will say that even a “mild” case in a person who is fully vexed and boosted is no laughing matter. And while I was on the phone with my doctor’s office, I received shocking news about a loved one. I caved in and cried when the impact of the news and my COVID results hit me. My tears represented frustration, worry and anger. The triplets of the worst emotions that anyone’s spirit can parent at one time.
However, I appreciated my tears because they allowed me to release. They cleansed my soul from emotions that can’t co-exist with my resolve to hold on to my happy. And c’mon y’all, I was raised by a strong, black woman with muscles built from overcoming adversity and an unwavering faith in God. So my tears of triplets were not welcome for permanent residence
5 Senses of Happiness
Photo by Solstice Hannan Hold onto the blissful moments in life with all 5 senses. These moments will be part your armor when battling the forces of discouragement and depression. I think back to the feeling of a cool island breeze on my cheek; the sound of blowing palm trees in the wind; and the smell of a plumeria flower when we visited Hawaii. Or the intricate flavors of vanilla and butter of a freshly baked, homemade cookies. The moment of cheerful anticipation when I’m at a graduation and “Pomp and Circumstance” plays during the parade of graduates. It’s like playing a con game on your mind. People say it all of the time, but life may truly change in the blink of an eye. So we much truly cherish the moments that we are in a state of contentment.
One of my favorite movies is “The Sound of Music”. I watch it every time that it comes on television. It represents a happy time in my childhood. My Mom, brother and I would watch it, dance and sing the songs. It was pure childhood joy! And then there’s my favorite song, “My Favorite Things”. Sound silly? Julie Andrews is encouraging us to “find the happy” in common moments and hold on to them!
Self-care
Hold on to my happy is recognizing when I’m in the midst of a memory-making moment and tucking away small pieces to enjoy later. And if I may speak honestly, holding onto my happy is another form of self-care. I’ve often wondered why it is so easy for our brains to default to traumas rather than pleasurable moments. Perhaps we need to override our minds with the good stuff so that the bad stuff can’t stick? I know that it sounds simplistic, but think about the preservation of our peace if it worked?
It was challenging being sick and in isolation all week. My spirit felt the tugs of discouragement and loneliness even though my husband was in the other room. I wanted to rush the healing process along to break out of this room and return to my normal. Shifting my mind to gratitude allowed me to fight off the doldrums and spirit tugs and created space for me to discover new moments of happiness in the midst of solitude.
Finding new happy!
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash I found new moments to savor, like the sound of the birds chirping throughout the day. I’m usually too busy to enjoy their sweet conversations with each other when I work from home. Binge watching season 2 of P-Valley with all of its twists and turns without interruption was definitely a happy moment. Yes, I am a fan – no judgement! I’m usually doing housework or never allow myself to sit for that long to watch back-to-back episodes of anything. I even enjoyed the soothing, cool breeze from the air-conditioning flowing across my face.
It even amused me that my husband and I were acting teenagers with all of the texts and phone calls to communicate. This week took me back to sweet moments in our courtship when I received “Good morning, Sunshine” and “good night, Babe” texts. I remembered the excitement that I felt 6 years ago.
But I didn’t stop there, I looked at old pictures of my Dad with his smiling eyes – so much happy to hold on to! The sound of his high-pitched laugh and smell of his manly cologne. His love of plaid and vibrant colored clothes. Heaven is enjoying him now, but my mind still holds on to the happy of the time that we spent together on Earth.
I’ve just proven my own point. It is possible to flood your braid with good stuff so that the bad stuff doesn’t stick. So my sistas, don’t rush through your happy in the fleeting moment when it arrives. Hold on to it with everything. Hold on to YOUR happy!
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The Old, New Me
For at least the past 10 years or so, I’ve told my friends that “we’re too young to be old”! And I wasn’t talking about our chronological ages. I was describing our collective internal energy that leaps when we walk in our purpose and live in our joy! Too young to be old means that we still have a sense of adventure to walk new paths and make new discoveries that get us closer to our purpose and the joys of life! It’s still so much of this world for us to discover and enjoy.
Purpose and Joy
The path to purpose and joy can be filled with hard earned and painful lessons. Some leave scars and wounds that tarnish our joy and make us live in a dimmed state of a new normal. It seems like we’re looking at life through smudgy lenses until we take them off and rediscover the joy that couldn’t be seen.
I’m in this place of discovery and invite you to join me.
Opening the portal of my creative and blooming technical abilities has opened my mind up in a better and more imaginative way. I now envision myself as the HBCU Majorette of “Women of a Certain Age”.
“Women of a Certain Age is a phrase used to avoid saying a person usually a woman is no longer young, but not yet old.”
Free dictionarySidebar: I discovered “Women of a Certain Age” during an internet search for words to describe middle aged women. It tickles me to find old school words and use them in a sentence. Kinda like preparing for my weekly spelling test in elementary school. I think that “certain age” is kinda dope. It’s an old school way of saying – “too young to be old and too old to be young”. We’re in the marvelous and evolving middle!
Now back to my dream, I see myself talking about Grown Woman…ish! and my book on stages, in podcasts and during uplifting conversations that are filled with finger snaps, nodding heads and high-fives. We’ve all heard the UNCF tagline, “A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste”. Well, the “Mind is a Beautiful Thing to Heal”!
Heal, Learn, Grow and Restore!
We have the ability to heal, learn, grow AND restore. Yes, we can be an “old, new me”! She is a healed and whole person who has evolved into the optimal state of herself. The old, new me sounds like an oxymoron. How can we be old, but new at the same time? It’s called evolution, Sis!
evolution – the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex form.
New oxford americAN DICTIONARYPhoto by Suzanne D.Williams on Unsplash As I read the definition of evolution, my eyes fixate on the phrase, “from a simple to a more complex form”. Evolution is complex because the foundation remains the same. However, our redevelopment is built from weaknesses that are optimized into our greatest strengths. My transition from “simple to complex” feels like a thrilling drive on an uphill, winding road. I don’t know what’s around the corner until making the turn. And I’m still evolving!
Women In Transition
Recently, I was asked to deliver the morning keynote address at the Cuyahoga Community College Women In Transition Summer Conference on August 13, 2022. Although I’ve see myself speaking in big spaces and places, my hand shook as I typed my acceptance to the invitation. It felt as if someone peaked into my imagination and kickstarted my new reality. Public speaking doesn’t bother me, in fact I feel energized by it. However, this time will be different because I won’t be talking about my work. I am going to share about my self-work of healing, learning, growing and restoring. I’m also going to allow my fellow Women In Transition to hold my baby girl who I named, Grown Woman…ish! and her growth stages in the rediscovery of living in my joy. Here’s another fast turn to the unknown on my uphill, winding road.
I joyfully accepted this speaking opportunity because I am a Woman In Transition. I’m in a space where I’m evolving into a more advanced and developed version of myself in a dynamic world of change. Ooh that sounds like a description of a science fiction movie. Think about it, we are always in a constant state of change in a changing world.
Transition isn’t a bad thing. I get it, we’re all creatures of habit and change feels scary. Just remember that the space between fear and action is growth. And I’m all in for “healing, learning and growing to find and live in my joy”!
If I describe my journey of evolution as a checklist, it would read as follows –
My Evolution Checklist
Showing UP as the old, new me!
I am the old, new me! And guess what, she’s confident, fun-loving, young at heart, wise and is finding and living in her joy. The old, new me shows up differently in my marriage; work; friendships and in the world. For my close girlfriends in my life, I’m received with “Welcome, back! Girl, we missed you.”! For co-workers, it’s the grand reaction, “Wow, Girl you’re on fire in these meetings!” And for my husband, it’s the good night with “I love you, Babe. I’m happy to see you happy again”. And as they say on social media, “it was the you look so joyful” comment from one of my social media friends for me!
Late Night Revelations
I had a revelation before falling asleep the other night. It came to me as my eyes fluttered with drowsiness and the ceiling fan created a gentle, cool breeze in the room. As I drifted into a deeper state of relaxation, I was lulled by my husband’s deep breaths of sleep and warmth emanating from his body. I felt happy….actually it was joy-infused gratitude for my journey and its peaceful destination. Then I smiled to myself and wished my old, new me “good night” and looked forward to greeting her in the morning.
What is on your evolution checklist? Drop a comment below – let’s talk!
