Inspiration
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What In The 2023!
Hello again!
I know it’s been some time since you heard from me. I wished you and me a “Happy More Year” the last time that I wrote. Remember, I declared that I wanted more joy, peace, memories and all the good things in 2023?
Funny thing is that I felt like I was opening the universe’s Pandora Box when I posted about welcoming my “More Year”. I remember telling myself that, “I hope that nothing happens to change my “yes, more” into a “no, more…please.” And as time passed, it was the latter. “No more….please!” All that I could say was, “what in the 2023!”
I was on top of life in the beginning of 2023. I was adjusting well to my new, executive-level job; everybody was healthy; and life was good.” Until it wasn’t.
It all changed within a millisecond of an eye-blink when I almost became a widow. Yes, you read that correctly. I almost lost my husband.
My super active husband experienced a seemingly non-serious back injury at the gym that evolved into an excruciating disc injury and eventually a near-fatal, double-pulmonary embolism. What in the 2023! I looked up and one day my life didn’t feel or look like my own.
I went from being a caring wife to caregiver. Hubby was hospitalized, my mother-in-law moved into our house to help. Our living room transformed into a make-shift hospital room with assistive medical equipment and my bed-ridden husband. I wore my executive, got it together mask during the day as I barely kept it together at night. What in the 2023!
One night, Kevin’s Mom slept downstairs on the sofa. He was sleeping in a lift chair that we rented because he could barely walk. I thought that I was dreaming when I heard her calling my name at 4:00 a.m. She had called 9-1-1 because Kevin’s heart was racing and he almost passed out.
It was pouring rain as Kevin was taken to the hospital by ambulance. I remember standing there in the rain and feeling comforted that the rain drops hid my tears.
We waited for about 3 hours in a triage room until he was seen by a doctor. Thank God that he was a patient and thorough doctor who wasn’t satisfied that Kevin’s pain was under control.
Photo by Larry George on Unsplash.com
Kevin’s heart was racing so fast that the monitors beeped constantly. It didn’t seem to cause any immediate concern with the medical team. Everyone thought that his fast heart rate was caused by his pain level. Kevin winced in pain after taking deep breaths. We thought that it was a strained muscle. Imagine our shock when the doctor diagnosed him with blood clots in both lungs!
We’ll never forget what he told us, “I’m glad to be having this conversation with you because it could have gone the other way.” I held my tears back as I thought about how my husband could have died at home or in front of me. What in the 2023!
People are generally supportive during the wake of a fresh crisis, but then they return to their normal patterns of life after time passes. People stop asking how you or your loved one are doing and expect that you’ve returned to your “normal”. Life keeps moving – even if we don’t.
Now I know that there are people who have it far worse than me. I consider myself blessed that this situation wasn’t more serious or permanent than it was. However, in that moment, it felt like life had served me an injustice. Our 5th wedding anniversary was around the corner. Kevin’s new job was going well. And I finally reached a goal that took my whole, 25+ year career to attain and it felt as if I was walking and working in someone else’s life that I wouldn’t chose for an enemy let alone myself. What in the 2023!
And to add insult to my injured spirit, my mom experienced a medical complication that required immediate hospitalization. I traveled between work, 2 hospitals and daydreams of what my life used to look like. Life was “life-ing” …and I needed it to stop. I kept myself going by fantasizing about my former life from 3 months before, but it seemed it was a lifetime away.
I operated in “robot-mode” as my girlfriends and I describe it. You do what you gotta do to survive in that moment. You shut off feelings, emotions, and a part of yourself until you can get back to yourself. Unfortunately, I’ve been in this place before so I didn’t need any instructions. But it saddened me that it was so easy to return.
Photo by Jennifer Marquez on Unsplash.com
I feel like most of my sistas can relate. We walk, work and exist in our active hurts so much that it becomes our normal. We self-amputate our feelings to cut off the thing that hurts us the most as a survival mechanism. And then one day, the pain stops and so does our joy, fulfillment, and the part of ourselves that we cherish the most. And sometimes it doesn’t return.
One day, I was at work and my cell phone rang, the insurance company abruptly decided that it was time for Kevin to be discharged whether he was ready or not. They didn’t care about his condition – it was about the growing cost for his medical care.
I was faced with making a decision within 24 hours – either put my Uber independent, Alpha-Male, proud husband in a nursing home or take my now bed-ridden, husband that was in excruciating pain home. What in the 2023!
My brain couldn’t process how we went from waking up at the crack of dawn, 3 times per week to work out together for 1-1.5 hours to seeing him in a lift-chair, using a walker, taking a handful of pills 3 times per day and existing in tear-provoking pain.
I grew to dread coming downstairs in the morning because I would find him sobbing in pain. He was only discharged with an order to take over-the-counter Tylenol for disc and nerve pain. What in the 2023!
Photo by Lee Juneseong on Unsplash.com
Thinking back to that day at work, I remember feeling 100% helpless – which is an unnatural feeling for an Uber independent, “I can take care of myself”, black woman in her 50’s. I went to talk to my boss of 3 months’ office to tell him that I would be late to our team dinner (because I’m still Chief of Staff and needed to show up well….everyday).
He knew that something was wrong as soon as he looked at me because he asked, “is it Kevin?” I just broke down and cried the newly liberated tears that I had been fighting back since this ordeal began 3 months before.
I always joke and tell people that I love crying. I really do because it’s a great release of bottled up emotions. And in that moment, I had 3 months worth. The tears didn’t change the situation or make it better, but the release felt amazing. It was worth it to break the “Black Girl Creed” that we don’t cry at work. Ever.
We are now 5 months after this life-changing experience began. And I’m writing this post from a lovely resort in Turks & Caicos on a vacation that we planned from our “old” normal in 2022. The past 2 months seem like it just a bad dream that our minds created during a long night of sleep.
Looking back, I can now see the blessings from the lessons in these moments. Sometimes we don’t realize how strong we are until challenge arrives. And trust me, they will come. Albeit they are uninvited and disruptive, they help us to build new muscles of faith, endurance, patience and resilience that we didn’t have before.
Celebrating my “50 plus two” Queen Day in Turks & Caicos – June 9, 2023
One of my girlfriends always reminds me that her pastor said, “every season has an expiration date.” I suppose that’s why spring is my favorite season. The end of the cold season is right next to the season of renewal and warmth. We just have to wait for it. I always tell people that it’s not the wait itself, but how we wait.
We can bitterly wait in frustration until the season passes or we give up. Or we can wait with grace by looking for the tiniest sprout on the branch of hope that we’re holding onto to remind us that better days can and will bloom again. I choose to do the latter.
“It’s not the wait, but how we wait.”
Kim DixonKevin is nearly back to his normal self, except that he’s now on a collection of medicine that keeps the unprovoked, life-threatening blood clots away. But I see more emotional changes in him and witness the irritation that he feels when he tires easily or gets winded. Frustration pulls at him when Alexa reminds him to take his evening dose of the “keep the deadly blood clots away” medicine. I see his hesitation and experience my over-caution when it’s time to lift something heavy. I also sense his longing to return to the gym when I wake up at the crack of dawn to work out by myself.
Mom is back to her, “faith-warring, God got me, self”! She carries more concern about my well-being because she knows that I carry the loads of concern for her and Kevin.
And I also changed, for the better….and stronger. I know that no matter what happens, I have a knowing that I be alright. I flex new muscles of faith and resilience that give me the strength to fight and win.
Photo by Rick Brown – Unsplashed.com
No matter the storm – whether it’s manmade or an Act of God, I will be alright.
New job stressors, I will be alright.
When life is uncontrollably life-ing, I will be alright.
And that’s the true power that turns my “what in the 2023” into “that was my 2023” because I am looking forward to the second half of this year. And I am alright.
Has 2023 been “a year” for you? Do you find yourself saying, “what in the 2023!”
Does life keep “life-ing”? How has it changed you for the better?
What superpower did it bring out of you?
Please tell me about it below! Remember, you’re going to be alright!
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The Year of More!
This is the first day of 2023. The new year has always been a time of reflection and declaration for me. I believe in setting my intentions and vision for the incoming year. As I reflect over the last year, 2022 was a good year for me. Overall, there were more high points than low ones. My vision for the “Year of Me” came to fruition in a job change; launching my blog; maintaining my mental, spiritual and physical health; and living in my authentic self. I even delivered a motivational keynote address to “Women In Transition”, like me! As we welcome 2023 with its full potential of greatness, my vision for this year is “more.” I am making the declaration that 2023 is going to be the Year of More!
My 2022 Vision Board More…
“More” has been brewing in my spirit throughout this most recent holiday season. My husband kept asking me what I wanted for Christmas. And to be honest, I couldn’t think of anything. It’s not that I have everything. Certainly, I could have thought of an expensive gift that sparkles. However, my heart’s desires can’t be purchased online or in a store. I want more of the greatness of 2022. And I’m not talking about the material stuff. I would like more joy, peace, professional fulfillment, fun, and great experiences. I had life-filling moments that I will forever cherish.
Hiking in Hawaii – April 2022 True enough, it sucked to miss a whole month of my life recovering from COVID. However, my heart smiles when I think about the love that my husband showed when he took care of me. And the joy of celebrating his 50th birthday at a luau in Hawaii. I smile as I think about the kicks and giggles when I celebrated my Queen Day with my girlfriends. And I’m filled with awe as my mind travels back to hearing Michelle Obama speak about her new book in Atlanta. These are the “mores” that chase away storm clouds when they appear in the sky of my life.
A great New Year’s Eve
I enjoyed an awesome New Year’s Eve conversation with my amazing, bonus daughter, Tatihana last night. She is in a place of growth, self-awareness, and is activating her vision by living in her power and operating from her more! My pride teemed for her as we spoke because her Dad and I have longed and prayed for her “more” to come. And selfishlessly, she became a new more for me because I look forward to “more” mother-daughter times with her. More conversations when we are encouraging, teaching, inspiring and loving each other. These moments are especially special to me because it wasn’t in God’s plan for me to have biological children. And I believe that this is His answer to my prayers for my legacy.
Sharing our mores…
The highlight of our conversation came when I asked her about what she was looking forward to this new year. She spoke of her business ventures, travel and expressions of her creativity. Then I shared my vision of “more” for 2023. We ended are call with our usual, “I’ll talk to you soon and love you’s.” Then I stopped and made the declaration of “more” for her. I would like for her to experience more creativity, stability, success, inner peace, financial freedom, discernment and happiness – all the mores that parents want for their kids. And I’m happy to see that her more is growing and becoming more tangible with each passing day. And will become even greater in this new year.
Photo by Christy Jacob on Unsplash What is your more? I challenge you to fill in the blank in this sentence for 2023. I want more ___________in 2023. Think abundance and use commas or create new sentences. Drop your mores in the comments below. I want to stand in agreement with you and joyfully manifest our mores in 2023! These are the mores that chase away storm clouds; breathe life into unmanifested dreams; and give our hopes the wings that they need to soar.
Join me and declare that 2023 is the year of your more! And let me be the first to wish you a “Happy More Year!”
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On the eve of change
The wind of change blew into my life today as I began my new job. Today is the first day of my “next” that began about two years ago. One day, I began feeling really uncomfortable while working. It wasn’t the kind of discomfort that comes from work or stress. It was a lingering and familiar feeling of discomfort. I’ve experienced this feeling on the eves of changes in my life. It’s been the signal for my mind to open and receive the imminent change that was coming.
I believe that God makes our circumstances or environment feel uncomfortable when we’re on the eve of change. It’s a divine discomfort, even when things are seemingly good. It’s my signal that it’s time to go and grow. I’ve tried to ignore the feeling or hit the snooze button. But the change alarm blares until I reflect and identify the area where the change is going to happen.
I wish that it was an easy feeling to embrace because it’s an uncertainty that may create anxiety, if we allow it. However, this time I was open to the discomfort because it came around the time when I declared that fear would no longer rule my life. Remember, I was afraid of failing, letting others and myself down…even afraid of taking chances. Well, fear and I broke up because it never served me well. It blocked opportunities, lied to me and dimmed my shine.
Whether you have faith in God or the universe, it can’t co-exist with fear. And when I look at the two with logic, my faith has a better track record than my past connection to fear. Faith gives me the confidence to consider my possibilities and take the steps to achieve them. Fear stops me at “hello.” Faith slays fear – every time.
Photo by Sincerely media on Unsplashed My confidence grew and swagger returned when I welcomed change in my life. Shedding my old fears silenced the negative self-talk. And let me tell you, it was the best diet that I’ve ever been on. Talk about getting rid of unwanted weight!
I went from thinking… to believing… to knowing that I’m equipped with the skills, gifts and strengths for opportunities that seemed too big for me before. Big like the executive level position that I began today!
The old, new me is high-stepping into a new season of change. And I have the biggest flex – confidence and knowing.
Photo by https://unsplash.com/@shotbyjudeus I’m feeling my grown womanish self today. Filled with gratitude for my becoming that readied me for today. And celebrating my eve of change!
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Doing my “It”!
It’s been one week and a day since I crossed off one of my “its” on my BIG dream list. I delivered the keynote address at the Women In Transition 2022 Summer Workshop. You would have thought that I was speaking at the Oscars because of my preparation for this awesome occasion. I promised myself in 2020 to “do it in fear” – whatever my “it” was! Well this was an “It” moment! I was equally excited and nervous to share my vulnerabilities, fears and dreams with a room of mostly strangers.
Tri-C Women In Transition Program flyer I couldn’t let fear block me from an opportunity to stand before my fellow women in transition to speak, inspire and connect. I asked myself so many questions as I prepared my talking points. Which life story would I share? How could I craft my words around a common theme that leads to action? Would my message be received or rejected? I didn’t want to make this an “all about me” talk. Or come off as so “put together” that my stories of when I wasn’t would seem inauthentic.
Photo by Tri-C Women In Transition Program My theme came to me a couple of days after I thought about the workshop theme of “Restoring your mind, body and spirit”. It was so me! I decided to speak about “The Old, New Me”. Sound familiar? Well I hope that it does because it was one of my blog posts. It has received the most emotional reactions and comments since I launched my blog. The Old, New Me is about my personal evolution that took me from allowing fear to rule my life, to ruling my fear!
“Fear doesn’t rule me. I rule my fear!”
Kimalon Dixon and WIT AttendeesTough truths
I exposed parts of myself in my blog post and speech that were tough realizations after attending the https://moniqueinc.co Power of Vision Retreat in 2020. The climax of the retreat was a moment of raw honesty for me. I realized that I had stopped dreaming. Unfortunately, I had lost myself to anxiety, depression and the spirit of perfectionism from a series of life-changing events that changed me for the worst. However, it also speaks of my journey during these past 2 years that led me to find new joy and purpose. I think that these are experiences that most women (and men) can relate.
Photo by Platinum Shutter Photography I prayed for God to use my words in this space. And He did! I found my rhythm after shaking off the nervous energy during my introduction. There were moments when I felt my eyes tear when I saw women (some who looked like me and others who didn’t) nod their heads in agreement. It was awesome when the room of women (and one man) make the commitment to rule their fear and to do their “it”! I really felt the power of my own words when I made the analogy of becoming the old, new me with the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly. Here’s a little secret for you – I was talking about myself.
Photo by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash My message struck me when I said, “I wonder if the caterpillar knows that it’s destined to be a butterfly. Could it be that some of you are like the caterpillar who didn’t know that it was destined to be a butterfly?” I felt my eyes water when I said it because I remember my caterpillar phase. There had been moments when life pressed me down so hard that I only saw the world with the flat, one-dimensional vision that comes from crawling on your belly just to make it to the next day. I am so grateful to be on the other side of this phase of my life experiences. Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days. But I am doing more than existing – I am living!
Photo by Platinum Shutter Photography “Think about the caterpillar who didn’t know that it was destined to be a butterfly… until one fine day when it felt itself changing.”
Kimalon dixonI now live with a fierce protection of my peace. I removed my cloak of perfectionism and stand in my “no” for self-preservation instead of people-pleasing. And I’ve also learned the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is grand, but I savor moments of joy. I live in expectancy that good things are coming my way. And I begin each day with the affirmation that, “something good is going to happen to me today”! I am drawn to life-filling experiences instead of life-depleting ones. Living in JOY is requires the intentionality and action that I readily take.
Photo by Platinum Shutter Photography Time really flew when I was having fun with my new found sisters in transition. My husband greeted me and helped me off the stage after I closed my talk. He whispered in my ear, “great job, Babe”! It felt so awesome to be received with love, acceptance and pride by him, the conference organizers and audience members. It wasn’t the rejection that fear had tried to tell me to expect. I can’t really describe the feeling of inner-jubilation that I felt as I sat down. My spirit leaped for JOY!
A Picture of the Old, New Me
The Old, New Me by Gwen Garth A few of the ladies came over during the session break and told me that they enjoyed my talk. Some asked for hugs and promised to join my blog community.
There was one woman in particular that will forever be a part of my becoming story. Her name is Gwen Garth. Gwen is a local artist, activist, organizer among other things. She is truly a phenomenal woman with a powerful testimony of redemption and victory. Her art may be seen around town in various places. Gwen presented me with a beautiful picture of “the old, new me” that she drew during my talk. I love the picture because she captured my confidence and exuberance that I feel in my restored self. The picture also shows me standing in my rediscovered joy and new purpose.
Oh, yes…I am the old, new me who is ready to soar in my new purpose and joy like a butterfly.
Photo by Daniel Klein on Unsplash -
Hold on to your happy!
My birthday is at the beginning of June and I celebrate the entire month. I am notorious for keeping my decorations up for an entire month – especially my cards. Why, you may ask? It’s simple, because looking at my cards makes me happy. And displaying them for an entire month (and sometimes beyond) helps me to hold on to my happy! I feel a sense of jubilation when I open the envelope and read the printed or handwritten words on my cards that express the unique range of human emotions from faith, joy, humor and love. So walking by the cards each day after my birthday helps me to recall that moment and hold on to my happy!
One year, I even broke the rules and kept my fully decorated Christmas tree up until February because it made me happy. No, I wasn’t having an emotional melt-down. I was holding on to my happy!
There is a clear distinction between gratitude and holding on to your happy. We live in a world that forces us to rush through life, especially the joy-filled moments that are meant to be savored.
I am encouraging you to savor each enjoyable experience, feeling or person. Resist the urge to move onto the next thing in the midst of your “right now” thing! It really means staying in the present moment without time traveling to the future. This is what it means to hold on to your happy!
The test of my happy!
Holding onto my happy was a test for me this week. Last week was wonderful! I ran my first 5K Bubble Run with my best friend (read my Just do the thing! post for details); attended two energizing community meetings; and felt a sense of long-awaited, social normalcy that I haven’t experienced in the past two years. I know that you can feel the imminent “until” looming. It was all kicks and giggles until I tested positive for COVID then my happy came to a screeching halt!
This post is not going to be about COVID because it’s a sensitive issue for all of us, especially those who have lost loved ones or who are still experiencing lingering effects. I give you my sincerest empathy and respect. However, I will say that even a “mild” case in a person who is fully vexed and boosted is no laughing matter. And while I was on the phone with my doctor’s office, I received shocking news about a loved one. I caved in and cried when the impact of the news and my COVID results hit me. My tears represented frustration, worry and anger. The triplets of the worst emotions that anyone’s spirit can parent at one time.
However, I appreciated my tears because they allowed me to release. They cleansed my soul from emotions that can’t co-exist with my resolve to hold on to my happy. And c’mon y’all, I was raised by a strong, black woman with muscles built from overcoming adversity and an unwavering faith in God. So my tears of triplets were not welcome for permanent residence
5 Senses of Happiness
Photo by Solstice Hannan Hold onto the blissful moments in life with all 5 senses. These moments will be part your armor when battling the forces of discouragement and depression. I think back to the feeling of a cool island breeze on my cheek; the sound of blowing palm trees in the wind; and the smell of a plumeria flower when we visited Hawaii. Or the intricate flavors of vanilla and butter of a freshly baked, homemade cookies. The moment of cheerful anticipation when I’m at a graduation and “Pomp and Circumstance” plays during the parade of graduates. It’s like playing a con game on your mind. People say it all of the time, but life may truly change in the blink of an eye. So we much truly cherish the moments that we are in a state of contentment.
One of my favorite movies is “The Sound of Music”. I watch it every time that it comes on television. It represents a happy time in my childhood. My Mom, brother and I would watch it, dance and sing the songs. It was pure childhood joy! And then there’s my favorite song, “My Favorite Things”. Sound silly? Julie Andrews is encouraging us to “find the happy” in common moments and hold on to them!
Self-care
Hold on to my happy is recognizing when I’m in the midst of a memory-making moment and tucking away small pieces to enjoy later. And if I may speak honestly, holding onto my happy is another form of self-care. I’ve often wondered why it is so easy for our brains to default to traumas rather than pleasurable moments. Perhaps we need to override our minds with the good stuff so that the bad stuff can’t stick? I know that it sounds simplistic, but think about the preservation of our peace if it worked?
It was challenging being sick and in isolation all week. My spirit felt the tugs of discouragement and loneliness even though my husband was in the other room. I wanted to rush the healing process along to break out of this room and return to my normal. Shifting my mind to gratitude allowed me to fight off the doldrums and spirit tugs and created space for me to discover new moments of happiness in the midst of solitude.
Finding new happy!
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash I found new moments to savor, like the sound of the birds chirping throughout the day. I’m usually too busy to enjoy their sweet conversations with each other when I work from home. Binge watching season 2 of P-Valley with all of its twists and turns without interruption was definitely a happy moment. Yes, I am a fan – no judgement! I’m usually doing housework or never allow myself to sit for that long to watch back-to-back episodes of anything. I even enjoyed the soothing, cool breeze from the air-conditioning flowing across my face.
It even amused me that my husband and I were acting teenagers with all of the texts and phone calls to communicate. This week took me back to sweet moments in our courtship when I received “Good morning, Sunshine” and “good night, Babe” texts. I remembered the excitement that I felt 6 years ago.
But I didn’t stop there, I looked at old pictures of my Dad with his smiling eyes – so much happy to hold on to! The sound of his high-pitched laugh and smell of his manly cologne. His love of plaid and vibrant colored clothes. Heaven is enjoying him now, but my mind still holds on to the happy of the time that we spent together on Earth.
I’ve just proven my own point. It is possible to flood your braid with good stuff so that the bad stuff doesn’t stick. So my sistas, don’t rush through your happy in the fleeting moment when it arrives. Hold on to it with everything. Hold on to YOUR happy!
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Just do the thing!
I ran in my first 5K run yesterday! Well actually I ran, jogged, trudged through mud and giggled through lathers of bubbles! By now, you should realize that I’m going to find a story or life lesson in the ordinary events of life. My play little sister asked me and my best friend last December to join her in a 5K in July. I was hesitant at first because I know myself. Some things are a great idea until it’s actually time to do it. And this 5K race that we committed to almost 6 months ago is a great example of my “until” principle. But here we were two 50 Plus ONES and a 5K with the determination to be like Nike and “just do it”.
The “Until” Principle
Yesterday was the worst weather day that we’ve had in about a month. It’s mostly been “easy, breezy and beautiful” summer days. There have a been a few sprinkles except for today. On Friday evening, the weather forecast predicted “spotty showers” that would be over by run time. Wrong! Oh so wrong.
We were in the 8:00 a.m. wave of runners – which added more sting to my “until” principle. I’m usually an easy-going, morning person – except for yesterday. The steady rain and heavy clouds added to my “meh” attitude about the run. Anywho, I strive to be a woman of my word. So I sucked it up and pushed ahead….in the driving rain.
We didn’t run on paved streets with scores of onlookers cheering us on with handclaps and cups of water. Nope, we ran on a make-shift course over a wet grassy field; slippery and sloshy mud; cracked pavement and gravel. The race was promoted as a Bubble Run because of the different gateways of colored bubbles that you run through at different places in the course. At first, I was aggravated and nervous that I was going to fall. I texted my husband and called it a “colossal failure” Until my best friend reminded me that “I am an adventurer…now”. I don’t let fear rule my life…I rule my fear! And I certainly don’t allow aggravations of life to stop me from pursuing and achieving my goals. I am the old, new me!
Hype-Woman…get yours!
Now I must tell you that everybody needs a Hype-Woman (or Man) in your life! Someone who reminds you of your past wins and your ability to win again! My best friend and I are each other’s Hype Women! We have hyped each other up since we were 12 years old! She reminded me that, “Girl, you’ve been kayaking in the ocean. Climbing volcanos. Wading under waterfalls….this is nothing”! Next thing I know, I’m hyped up and tapping into my inner-Warrior Woman to “do this thing”!
Photo by Verena Yunita Yapa on Unsplash We speed walked and talked; held hands through the slippery mud; jogged on grass; ran on pavement and giggled through bubbles. At one point, the bubbles were so thick that we couldn’t see. My best friend reached back and said, “grab my hand and close your eyes. I will lead us through.” I laughed hysterically at the time because of the massive amounts of thick bubbles that stuck to every part of our bodies.
My eyes are full of tears as I write this post. There have been so many times, when we held each others hands and closed our eyes as we led the other through grief, trauma, and heartache. So yesterday reality was “nothing”! She is definitely the ChairWoman of my personal Board of TRUSTees (more to come about this subject). Let’s get back to the run…
Admittedly I wanted to look cool and fit when the photographers snapped our pictures running across the finish line. But at the one mile point, I just wanted to finish. I could feel my 50 PLUS ONE knees (not like Megan THE Stallion’s) begin to fail me. And I can’t forget to tell you that my right hip woke up and let me know that she was with me. But my determination told those whining joint-sisters to chill out!
Chill out negative self-talk!
Y’all we got to tell ourselves to chill with negative self-talk when we have a goal in sight. We have to think about when we’ve accomplished hard things that made us close our eyes and get through. The times when we made fears bow down to the Queen. Stop the self-limiting beliefs…especially in our Marvelous Middle, my Sistas! There have been times when I yelled, “STOP” out loud to turn off the “Can’t Do It” song that’s playing in my head. Now I don’t want you to look odd by yelling at yourself. But you can turn up the volume on your “Can do, Have done and Will do” song. And how do you do it?
Photo byZibik on Unsplash How to turn off negative self-talk?
Well, I’m glad that you asked! It’s so easy for our minds to settle on negativity like I did when we began the run. All I saw was mud, rain and my expectations for the race not being met. I couldn’t do anything about the mud or rain, but I could address my expectations. I always tell people that “when you can’t change your situation, change your perspective about it”. Find something to be grateful about – even if it’s just one thing. Yesterday, I was grateful to spend time with my best friend and laugh like we were teenagers again. Both of have busy lives with family and work commitments. Although we talk every day – somedays it isn’t so easy to find time and just hang out.
“When you can’t change your situation,
change your perspective.”
Kim DixonRun away from negative people
I almost got sucked in with the runners in the crowd who expressed their disappointment about the run. Get away from negative people who suck you into their abyss of poisonous thoughts. There is truth in the expression that “misery loves company”. There are some who find comfort in sitting in their discomfort. Well, I ain’t one of them and neither are you. We use Grown Woman…ish! vibes for good and not evil. Sitting in negative thoughts may create a snowball effect by allowing the passing thoughts to stay and turn into a full blown snowstorm. And we’re too busy discovering and living in our joy for that to happen.
Cross the finish line
At last, the finish line was in clear sight. Bestie and I charted chanting, “50 PLUS ONE! 50 PLUS ONE! 50 PLUS ONE” as we passed my play little sister. Yep at this point, we didn’t want her to beat us. Kinda childish, but fun! We got closer to the finish line with each chant and step. Sure, there were people who finished well ahead of us. But the point is that we finished.
My bestie is right, I am now an adventurer of any new thing or experience that brings me joy! It’s time to ditch the Bucket List and LIVE. I don’t want to go through life checking experiences off before I die. I pray that I have more life than list – so why create one in the first place? Just live, Sis.
Grown Woman…ish! is a no judgement zone. I won’t say a word if you have a Bucket List. But I am going to challenge you to activate your list. No more excuses about time that you don’t have; or listening to the “Can’t Do It” song; or waiting for a push to begin. This is your push – do your thing, Sis!
Remember the keys to doing your thing –
- Get your Hype Person
- Chill out with the negative self talk
- Change your perspective and look for gratitude
- Run away from negative people
- Cross the finish line!
With anything in this life, it doesn’t matter when you begin..just begin and do the thing! Whatever your thang is, just do it! So tell me, what is your “thing”?
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The Old, New Me
For at least the past 10 years or so, I’ve told my friends that “we’re too young to be old”! And I wasn’t talking about our chronological ages. I was describing our collective internal energy that leaps when we walk in our purpose and live in our joy! Too young to be old means that we still have a sense of adventure to walk new paths and make new discoveries that get us closer to our purpose and the joys of life! It’s still so much of this world for us to discover and enjoy.
Purpose and Joy
The path to purpose and joy can be filled with hard earned and painful lessons. Some leave scars and wounds that tarnish our joy and make us live in a dimmed state of a new normal. It seems like we’re looking at life through smudgy lenses until we take them off and rediscover the joy that couldn’t be seen.
I’m in this place of discovery and invite you to join me.
Opening the portal of my creative and blooming technical abilities has opened my mind up in a better and more imaginative way. I now envision myself as the HBCU Majorette of “Women of a Certain Age”.
“Women of a Certain Age is a phrase used to avoid saying a person usually a woman is no longer young, but not yet old.”
Free dictionarySidebar: I discovered “Women of a Certain Age” during an internet search for words to describe middle aged women. It tickles me to find old school words and use them in a sentence. Kinda like preparing for my weekly spelling test in elementary school. I think that “certain age” is kinda dope. It’s an old school way of saying – “too young to be old and too old to be young”. We’re in the marvelous and evolving middle!
Now back to my dream, I see myself talking about Grown Woman…ish! and my book on stages, in podcasts and during uplifting conversations that are filled with finger snaps, nodding heads and high-fives. We’ve all heard the UNCF tagline, “A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste”. Well, the “Mind is a Beautiful Thing to Heal”!
Heal, Learn, Grow and Restore!
We have the ability to heal, learn, grow AND restore. Yes, we can be an “old, new me”! She is a healed and whole person who has evolved into the optimal state of herself. The old, new me sounds like an oxymoron. How can we be old, but new at the same time? It’s called evolution, Sis!
evolution – the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex form.
New oxford americAN DICTIONARYPhoto by Suzanne D.Williams on Unsplash As I read the definition of evolution, my eyes fixate on the phrase, “from a simple to a more complex form”. Evolution is complex because the foundation remains the same. However, our redevelopment is built from weaknesses that are optimized into our greatest strengths. My transition from “simple to complex” feels like a thrilling drive on an uphill, winding road. I don’t know what’s around the corner until making the turn. And I’m still evolving!
Women In Transition
Recently, I was asked to deliver the morning keynote address at the Cuyahoga Community College Women In Transition Summer Conference on August 13, 2022. Although I’ve see myself speaking in big spaces and places, my hand shook as I typed my acceptance to the invitation. It felt as if someone peaked into my imagination and kickstarted my new reality. Public speaking doesn’t bother me, in fact I feel energized by it. However, this time will be different because I won’t be talking about my work. I am going to share about my self-work of healing, learning, growing and restoring. I’m also going to allow my fellow Women In Transition to hold my baby girl who I named, Grown Woman…ish! and her growth stages in the rediscovery of living in my joy. Here’s another fast turn to the unknown on my uphill, winding road.
I joyfully accepted this speaking opportunity because I am a Woman In Transition. I’m in a space where I’m evolving into a more advanced and developed version of myself in a dynamic world of change. Ooh that sounds like a description of a science fiction movie. Think about it, we are always in a constant state of change in a changing world.
Transition isn’t a bad thing. I get it, we’re all creatures of habit and change feels scary. Just remember that the space between fear and action is growth. And I’m all in for “healing, learning and growing to find and live in my joy”!
If I describe my journey of evolution as a checklist, it would read as follows –
My Evolution Checklist
Showing UP as the old, new me!
I am the old, new me! And guess what, she’s confident, fun-loving, young at heart, wise and is finding and living in her joy. The old, new me shows up differently in my marriage; work; friendships and in the world. For my close girlfriends in my life, I’m received with “Welcome, back! Girl, we missed you.”! For co-workers, it’s the grand reaction, “Wow, Girl you’re on fire in these meetings!” And for my husband, it’s the good night with “I love you, Babe. I’m happy to see you happy again”. And as they say on social media, “it was the you look so joyful” comment from one of my social media friends for me!
Late Night Revelations
I had a revelation before falling asleep the other night. It came to me as my eyes fluttered with drowsiness and the ceiling fan created a gentle, cool breeze in the room. As I drifted into a deeper state of relaxation, I was lulled by my husband’s deep breaths of sleep and warmth emanating from his body. I felt happy….actually it was joy-infused gratitude for my journey and its peaceful destination. Then I smiled to myself and wished my old, new me “good night” and looked forward to greeting her in the morning.
What is on your evolution checklist? Drop a comment below – let’s talk!
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Do it …in spite of fear!
There are motivational speakers who encourage us to dream BIG and scary dreams. I don’t know about you, but I hate being afraid of anything. As a matter of fact, I’m tired of being led by fear. Remember my revelation about my inability to dream? Unfortunately, my ability to dream was replaced by a paralyzing fear of being let down. And worse of all, letting myself down.
It was a sobering “a-ha” moment for me, but one that drove me to make a declaration that I would “do it in fear” – no matter what! My “it” could be anything – from launching Grown Woman…ish! to walking into the unknown possibilities. It was a liberating and joyful moment that I celebrated by making an accountability post with Four Reminders on Instagram on December 13, 2020 for all to see. You know how things become real when posted on social media – LOL!
Four Reminders and IG Real
Instagram post on December 13, 2020 It seemed like making those declarations opened the floodgates of fear when I decided to launch Grown Woman…ish! I planned to use my blog to build the discipline and consistency that is necessary to write my book (#2 on my list). My dream of writing my book has been in my mind for the past 20 years. What if I fail? Succeed? What if I’m not good enough? The “what ifs” were uninvited guests at the party in my head. I finally kicked my uninvited guests out by drafting my ideas for my blog and purchasing the web domain for Grown Woman…ish! last fall. I was on my way until I allowed work frustrations convince me that this would be a mediocre effort at best.
My unpopulated and unpublished Grown Woman…ish! domain sat for 7 months. But, I my spirit felt unsettled. I kept feeling a gentle push to write and even jotted down titles, but I resisted it. I chalked Grown Woman…ish! as one of those fleeting great ideas in my mind. My husband asked me when I was going to write. I made excuses about how I was so busy; the website was too technical to set up on my own; and it was too expensive to hire a professional to do it for me.
The excuse-making and back stepping changed this past March when I received a text message from a girlfriend during my morning prayer time. She woke out of her sleep with a divine message for me to write. BOOM! There it was – the confirmation that I needed to shift gears from park to drive!
Fighting Mediocrity
Photo by Arissa Chatassa on Unsplash I wasn’t purposed for a life of mediocrity, nor are you. I believe that a mediocre life is the result of unpursued dreams. It doesn’t matter if our ideas or dreams are successful, it matters if we don’t try. Our lives are transformed to greatness by the lessons and blessings that are gained in every experience. Achieving greatness and destiny are married to the divinely-guided dreams that are placed in our minds and hearts. We can create a future for our present right now!
Many of us carry BIG dreams in our minds, but we allow the “what-ifs” to stop us before we even start. Or we allow others to leave the residue of their unrealized dreams or fears on us. Sometimes its best to share the dream by actually doing it in silence – now that’s truly a Grown Woman…ish! move. Silence that isn’t an act of selfishness, but self-care. Oh and we will talk about true self-care and what it looks like at another time. Spoiler alert – it’s more than having a mimosa and massage!
Treat your dream like a precious gems that could fracture if it’s dropped. Rhianna reminds us to “shine bright like a diamond”. Sis, the world needs the brilliance of your diamond! Find your “it” and fight your “what ifs” by doing and shining! Do your “IT” in spite of fear….with your Grown Woman…ish self!
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Age is more than a number…
I am humming, “age ain’t nothin’ but a number… by Aaliyah as I type the thoughts that are being dictated in my mind.” Yes, I’m a 70’s baby who came of age in the 1990’s. I celebrated my 50th Queen Day last year and will be 51 in less than one month.
Last week, I was plagued by the thought that I had wasted my life because I didn’t have biological babies. I felt as if my alarm clock went off and I didn’t hear it until missed my window of opportunity had passed. As someone who works to put her counseling sessions into practice, I reflected to understand where the root of this thought grew from. How did I get my perception of aging? Why don’t I feel my age? Well at least mentally – LOL! I deduced that it was because my family culture defies age!
Long LIFErs!
We are a family of long LIFErs! We live out loud and for a long time. My Dad fathered me and my brother in his mid-late 40’s. Mom went back to college at 40 and achieved her nursing degree in her mid-forties. My Aunts and Uncles (on Dad’s side) lived well into their 80’s, 90’s and even 100’s! I am from a lineage of age-defying folks. For me, age is more than a number. It is something to grow into with style and grace, like a pair of new leather shoes. They’re snug when you first put them on, but with time they contour to the uniqueness of your feet and become your perfect fit!
As I put two and two together, I thought that I had more time when it came to having a baby. I lived my Life Out Loud in the prime of my child bearing years, affectionately known as my “Roaring 20’s”. I worked late; traveled some; mad dumb ass decisions; fell in like – once or twice, or maybe a few times; partied and by the time that I looked up….I was in my 30’s. By then, I realized that it was more to life than having a good time.
Getting my “ish” together!
My third decade of life was devoted to “getting my ish” together. I went back to school for my MBA, budgeted, paid my bills on time; became a caregiver for my aging Dad…and got serious about life. Sure, I had a bunch of situationships and thought that they were promising at the time, but none led to anything meaningful, but disappointment and tears. I remember excitedly telling one of my girlfriends about a guy who I had met and was excited about. She was like, “but you said that the other one could be the one?” Then I replied, “he was almost the one..until he wasn’t.” Pinkie promise that I will tell you about my “9 week phenomena” at another time.
Photo by Eye For Ebony on Unsplash Surviving and thriving!
Anywho, I fell into the same survival pattern as many of my black sisters do, I adopted the “IDGAF” mentality and worked to achieve my non-mommy related goals. I threw myself into my work because it was the only thing that I could control and produce outcomes that matched my efforts. I was promoted into management; received local and state recognition for my work; traveled; kicked it with my girls in our monthly book club kickbacks; bought my first house and adopted my dog baby. I was living the black American girl dream – sans the family that I desired. I’m going to wait to share about my fourth decade for another time.
As I sit here, still humming Aaliyah…I am now nodding in agreement – “age ain’t nothing but a number.” Truth – it’s taken me longer than most to enjoy the life that I have now. I am a wife, doggy Mom to Cooper, bonus Mom and Grandma (AKA Ms. Kim). But I am living in truth to my family culture of “age defiers”! And I plan to keep living in defiance of the pre-set rules and expectations of society. I am going to age in stride with grace and style in my well-worn leather shoes…with red bottoms even!
When my mind takes me on a journey that I can’t control, it helps me to remind myself what is true. (*Shout out to my AWESOME counselor Lisa McCraney, Hope to Healing).
Truth-telling
Truth – I am in a constant state of blooming. Good seed always produces multiple blooms in its due season.
Truth – my latter days are greater than my former. I have more smiles in my life now than tears.
Truth – I am defying my biological age and will Live Out Loud for as long as I can.
Truth – age is a number, but it doesn’t have to define who I am. I will relish in it and enjoy the “mores” that come along – more wisdom, more IDGAF, more truth and more of ME!
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Late Blooming Summer
Summer is always a beautiful season. Flowers are blooming with vibrant colors, the earthy fragrance of fresh cut grass lingers in the air as the sun radiates healing rays of warmth. The divine presence of God fills our senses. The beauty of summer may overwhelm the other seasons and make it seem as if they never happened. Or that they must be endured rather than embraced or graced. It took many winters, springs and falls for the summer of my life to arrive and blossom. It took years of seasons to pass before I could appreciate the purpose and growth that occurred in each one.
We’ve all heard the expression of “better late than never.” It’s an expression that conveys gratitude, but to me feels more like a compromise. We surrender a piece of a dream, wish or goal to celebrate the grandness of its achievement and arrival. Celebrating compromise or tardiness challenges me. I would much rather rejoice the purpose of the delay. And live each glorious moment in its fullest with the expectation of more to come. Grown Woman…ish will take its readers through a fantastic and dynamic journey of a life in the state blooming. And the expectation that my blooms are still producing seeds that will take root and bloom for the rest of my life on Earth.
I want to inspire my readers to take action as I discover the blessings, lessons and joys that may arrive in a late blooming summer.
Photo by Percheck Industrie on Unsplash
