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What In The 2023!
Hello again!
I know it’s been some time since you heard from me. I wished you and me a “Happy More Year” the last time that I wrote. Remember, I declared that I wanted more joy, peace, memories and all the good things in 2023?
Funny thing is that I felt like I was opening the universe’s Pandora Box when I posted about welcoming my “More Year”. I remember telling myself that, “I hope that nothing happens to change my “yes, more” into a “no, more…please.” And as time passed, it was the latter. “No more….please!” All that I could say was, “what in the 2023!”
I was on top of life in the beginning of 2023. I was adjusting well to my new, executive-level job; everybody was healthy; and life was good.” Until it wasn’t.
It all changed within a millisecond of an eye-blink when I almost became a widow. Yes, you read that correctly. I almost lost my husband.
My super active husband experienced a seemingly non-serious back injury at the gym that evolved into an excruciating disc injury and eventually a near-fatal, double-pulmonary embolism. What in the 2023! I looked up and one day my life didn’t feel or look like my own.
I went from being a caring wife to caregiver. Hubby was hospitalized, my mother-in-law moved into our house to help. Our living room transformed into a make-shift hospital room with assistive medical equipment and my bed-ridden husband. I wore my executive, got it together mask during the day as I barely kept it together at night. What in the 2023!
One night, Kevin’s Mom slept downstairs on the sofa. He was sleeping in a lift chair that we rented because he could barely walk. I thought that I was dreaming when I heard her calling my name at 4:00 a.m. She had called 9-1-1 because Kevin’s heart was racing and he almost passed out.
It was pouring rain as Kevin was taken to the hospital by ambulance. I remember standing there in the rain and feeling comforted that the rain drops hid my tears.
We waited for about 3 hours in a triage room until he was seen by a doctor. Thank God that he was a patient and thorough doctor who wasn’t satisfied that Kevin’s pain was under control.
Photo by Larry George on Unsplash.com
Kevin’s heart was racing so fast that the monitors beeped constantly. It didn’t seem to cause any immediate concern with the medical team. Everyone thought that his fast heart rate was caused by his pain level. Kevin winced in pain after taking deep breaths. We thought that it was a strained muscle. Imagine our shock when the doctor diagnosed him with blood clots in both lungs!
We’ll never forget what he told us, “I’m glad to be having this conversation with you because it could have gone the other way.” I held my tears back as I thought about how my husband could have died at home or in front of me. What in the 2023!
People are generally supportive during the wake of a fresh crisis, but then they return to their normal patterns of life after time passes. People stop asking how you or your loved one are doing and expect that you’ve returned to your “normal”. Life keeps moving – even if we don’t.
Now I know that there are people who have it far worse than me. I consider myself blessed that this situation wasn’t more serious or permanent than it was. However, in that moment, it felt like life had served me an injustice. Our 5th wedding anniversary was around the corner. Kevin’s new job was going well. And I finally reached a goal that took my whole, 25+ year career to attain and it felt as if I was walking and working in someone else’s life that I wouldn’t chose for an enemy let alone myself. What in the 2023!
And to add insult to my injured spirit, my mom experienced a medical complication that required immediate hospitalization. I traveled between work, 2 hospitals and daydreams of what my life used to look like. Life was “life-ing” …and I needed it to stop. I kept myself going by fantasizing about my former life from 3 months before, but it seemed it was a lifetime away.
I operated in “robot-mode” as my girlfriends and I describe it. You do what you gotta do to survive in that moment. You shut off feelings, emotions, and a part of yourself until you can get back to yourself. Unfortunately, I’ve been in this place before so I didn’t need any instructions. But it saddened me that it was so easy to return.
Photo by Jennifer Marquez on Unsplash.com
I feel like most of my sistas can relate. We walk, work and exist in our active hurts so much that it becomes our normal. We self-amputate our feelings to cut off the thing that hurts us the most as a survival mechanism. And then one day, the pain stops and so does our joy, fulfillment, and the part of ourselves that we cherish the most. And sometimes it doesn’t return.
One day, I was at work and my cell phone rang, the insurance company abruptly decided that it was time for Kevin to be discharged whether he was ready or not. They didn’t care about his condition – it was about the growing cost for his medical care.
I was faced with making a decision within 24 hours – either put my Uber independent, Alpha-Male, proud husband in a nursing home or take my now bed-ridden, husband that was in excruciating pain home. What in the 2023!
My brain couldn’t process how we went from waking up at the crack of dawn, 3 times per week to work out together for 1-1.5 hours to seeing him in a lift-chair, using a walker, taking a handful of pills 3 times per day and existing in tear-provoking pain.
I grew to dread coming downstairs in the morning because I would find him sobbing in pain. He was only discharged with an order to take over-the-counter Tylenol for disc and nerve pain. What in the 2023!
Photo by Lee Juneseong on Unsplash.com
Thinking back to that day at work, I remember feeling 100% helpless – which is an unnatural feeling for an Uber independent, “I can take care of myself”, black woman in her 50’s. I went to talk to my boss of 3 months’ office to tell him that I would be late to our team dinner (because I’m still Chief of Staff and needed to show up well….everyday).
He knew that something was wrong as soon as he looked at me because he asked, “is it Kevin?” I just broke down and cried the newly liberated tears that I had been fighting back since this ordeal began 3 months before.
I always joke and tell people that I love crying. I really do because it’s a great release of bottled up emotions. And in that moment, I had 3 months worth. The tears didn’t change the situation or make it better, but the release felt amazing. It was worth it to break the “Black Girl Creed” that we don’t cry at work. Ever.
We are now 5 months after this life-changing experience began. And I’m writing this post from a lovely resort in Turks & Caicos on a vacation that we planned from our “old” normal in 2022. The past 2 months seem like it just a bad dream that our minds created during a long night of sleep.
Looking back, I can now see the blessings from the lessons in these moments. Sometimes we don’t realize how strong we are until challenge arrives. And trust me, they will come. Albeit they are uninvited and disruptive, they help us to build new muscles of faith, endurance, patience and resilience that we didn’t have before.
Celebrating my “50 plus two” Queen Day in Turks & Caicos – June 9, 2023
One of my girlfriends always reminds me that her pastor said, “every season has an expiration date.” I suppose that’s why spring is my favorite season. The end of the cold season is right next to the season of renewal and warmth. We just have to wait for it. I always tell people that it’s not the wait itself, but how we wait.
We can bitterly wait in frustration until the season passes or we give up. Or we can wait with grace by looking for the tiniest sprout on the branch of hope that we’re holding onto to remind us that better days can and will bloom again. I choose to do the latter.
“It’s not the wait, but how we wait.”
Kim DixonKevin is nearly back to his normal self, except that he’s now on a collection of medicine that keeps the unprovoked, life-threatening blood clots away. But I see more emotional changes in him and witness the irritation that he feels when he tires easily or gets winded. Frustration pulls at him when Alexa reminds him to take his evening dose of the “keep the deadly blood clots away” medicine. I see his hesitation and experience my over-caution when it’s time to lift something heavy. I also sense his longing to return to the gym when I wake up at the crack of dawn to work out by myself.
Mom is back to her, “faith-warring, God got me, self”! She carries more concern about my well-being because she knows that I carry the loads of concern for her and Kevin.
And I also changed, for the better….and stronger. I know that no matter what happens, I have a knowing that I be alright. I flex new muscles of faith and resilience that give me the strength to fight and win.
Photo by Rick Brown – Unsplashed.com
No matter the storm – whether it’s manmade or an Act of God, I will be alright.
New job stressors, I will be alright.
When life is uncontrollably life-ing, I will be alright.
And that’s the true power that turns my “what in the 2023” into “that was my 2023” because I am looking forward to the second half of this year. And I am alright.
Has 2023 been “a year” for you? Do you find yourself saying, “what in the 2023!”
Does life keep “life-ing”? How has it changed you for the better?
What superpower did it bring out of you?
Please tell me about it below! Remember, you’re going to be alright!
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A Kept Woman
Recently someone asked me if “Grown Womanish” was a play on words, inspired from the popular television series “Black-ish”. A mischievous smile crossed my face as I honestly replied, “no…grown womanish really stands for grown woman sh!! because that’s what I want to talk about.” It’s the kind of girlfriend talk that I have with my hairdresser when I’m her last client. Or the kind of conversations that we have at bookclub over laughs after a few drinks.
As Women of a Certain Age, we may have either heard of a woman who was being “kept” by a man. Or we may have experienced being kept ourselves. Remember, this is a no judgement zone! I was approached in my single and younger days by men who desired to “keep” me . What does it mean to be a kept woman?
Photo by Marissa Grotes on Unsplash Well I’m glad that you asked! It means that there’s an agreement for the man to “sponsor” a woman by paying her bills; creating and/or maintaining a high-end lifestyle; and lavishing her with gifts. In exchange for these spoils, the woman would be solely available for his pleasure, time, sex or possession. I’m not going to lie, there were times in my life when this type of arrangement sounded tempting. However the right side of my brain quickly reminded me that I’m way too independent for the possession part.
My Independent Soul
Strong women raised me to be a strong woman. They encouraged to have a “take care of myself” mindset. I was taught not to fully depend on anyone – not even my Dad. My sole dependence was to be on God. As I reflect, I realize that some of my nurturing was birthed from the hurts and disappointments from the strong women who raised me. They were trying to prepare and protect me in ways that they didn’t receive while growing up. Nevertheless my independence is something that I have cherished throughout my 5 decades of life! It has supported me through seasons of growth, difficulty and change.
Photo by Alesha Kazantceva on Unsplash My independence was challenged when I became a Mrs. for the first time at the age of 45! I’ve spent the majority of my life depending on my favorite three – me, myself and I. Ooh wee, getting married shocked my independent soul and almost short-circuited my independent woman wiring. Thank goodness for my Wife Coaches as I call them – women who have grown in themselves and their marriages as wives and they’re willing to share their wisdom with me. They encouraged me to trust my husband and lean into sharing my whole self with him.
Here’s the rub – I was still holding onto a few bags that I picked up in the years before we met. These bags made it difficult for me to fully trust my husband. My bags were heavy and carried the kind of weight that made me cling onto my independence with all of my might. Now you may be thinking that this isn’t a bad situation. However, it also came with the belief that I could do it all. That I must do it all to create and live in my #HappilyEverDixon2018.
The New Mrs. Dixon April 2018 Mo’ Money…Mo’ Problems
The past 4 years of my professional life have been some of the most challenging for me. We got married in April 2018. I was promoted to a new leadership position in May 2018. My life dramatically changed in 60 days. The promotion came with a raise and more responsibilities. And just like the Notorious B.I.G. says, “more money, more problems.” One night, my work struggles became real when I experienced my first panic attack – ever!
Hitting the panic button
Photo by Audrey Metelev on Unsplash I never knew what a panic attack was until that moment. It was around 9:30 p.m. and my husband had gone to bed. I was preparing a presentation for a morning meeting with my project team. The presentation was the following week, but I committed to developing my draft so that we could create our group slides. I felt tired after a long work day. Nonetheless, I was going to power through as I always do.
I sat on my sofa in my she-room and thought about the presentation. All of a sudden, my heart began racing and my chest tensed up. It got tighter and tighter with each passing moment. It hurt so badly that it felt like someone was squeezing my heart in their hands with all of their might! I couldn’t catch my breath and it terrified me.
I got up and staggered into our bedroom and woke my husband and gasped, “I need help”. He turned on the light next to the bed and I saw fear and tears in his eyes as he put his arm around me. All I could think about was, “I don’t want to die like this. He’s going to take me to the hospital in my headscarf and I’m not wearing a bra”! Yup, I was being “that girl” who was thinking about her vanity instead of well being.
Breathing is my self-care
He told me to “breathe, just breathe Babe.” I noticed that each breath made me feel a little better and the warmth of his hand on my pulsing chest comforted and soothed me. My muscles loosened and my heart returned to its normal pace. But, I was afraid to go to sleep because of the fear of not waking up. It was a long night for us. The morning came, but didn’t bring any joy. I felt embarrassed, exhausted and emotionally drained. I spoke with my best friend and she told me that it sounded like a panic attack. What? Not Ms. Independent! My presentation wasn’t ready. My team and I spent the entire meeting talking about the perils of my night.
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”
psalms 30:5The work hasn’t gotten any easier in the past 2 years since that night. However, I’ve adjusted and amped up my self care and therapy which makes my stress level tolerable, but far less than ideal. It’s hard for my husband to see my struggles and do nothing because he’s a fixer. He takes pride in taking care of me, but he can’t fix this. Recently, I was sharing about the complexities of my work and began crying….again. His face got blank and he looked me in my eyes. He said, “I’m tired of seeing you stressed out by your job. I got you, just quit. You could find an easy job that allows you to rest and figure things out.” My face went blank as my independent woman short-circuit returned.
Quit?
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash Y’all why did my independent soul push back on his offer? Who wouldn’t take the offer for respite, relief and rescue? Now I know that it’s a far, far cry from being a kept woman. Heck, I needed to be a kept woman at this moment in my life. But I pride myself in keeping myself. I’ve been operating with the mindset that I can do it all – be the great leader at work and wife who keeps a great home. I’ve been trying to find a space where my independence and wifedom can co-exist.
My independent self and my inner “wanna be kept woman” keep playing a game of tug of war. And the tension between the two prevents my husband from feeling needed – which he needs. Deep isn’t? Can anyone else relate?
And if I’m being all the way real, like I do with y’all. I don’t want to fail in my marriage. It took 20 years for me to find someone to “love me back” and I don’t want to mess us up with my baggage before we truly hit our marital stride.
One day, he offered to get us a housekeeper so that I wouldn’t have to worry about housework on top of my demanding job. Once again, my independent soul pushed back. In fact, “she and I” took it as an insult! We felt as if he was saying that I wasn’t maintaining a good home or being a good wife. So here’s the thing, I strive to be a “Tabitha Brown” type of woman. She takes care of her family; cooks great meals; is building an amazing empire and looks amazing while doing it ALL while exercising her faith in God. Yes, Tabitha could definitely be in my girlfriend circle. I don’t know how she does it, but what she does in inspiring to me.
Grown Womanish Lessons
Photo by Diana Simumpande by Unsplash This experience has shown me a few things that I believe that our Grown Womanish selves need to recognize.
Fight, flight and partnership
- Our minds have been shaped by experiences that make us wired to fight or flee all of the time, even when we’re not in danger. However, we must recognize when we’re safe and allow ourselves to be kept by our partners or spouses – not as possessions, but for pleasure, support, time, sex and all the wonderful things of a fulfilling relationship. It’s beautiful and purely human to show them that we need them without losing any of the pride that comes from our independence. Jus’ saying! It’s exhausting and damaging to our health and well-being when we keep our guards up all of the time.
- We can’t do it all by ourselves. Humans were divinely created to be in partnership and help each other. Think about how good it feels to give….let alone receive. Our independence will always be a part of who we are, but struggle and doing it alone doesn’t have to be the playbook of entire lives. We must strike a balance between our independent selves and our inner “wanna be kept woman” selves. C’mon Sis, the description of “a kept woman” wasn’t all bad (especially the pleasure, lavish gifts, time and sex). LOL! Have you ever said, that I would do just about anything if I had a man/partner who would pay the cost to be the boss? Well if you haven’t, then good for you.
Release and vulnerability
- Releasing some of our independence to create unity in our relationships and/or marriage is worth the compromise. We are strong by ourselves and even stronger when we’re working together for the same goals. And in the case of relationships, our goal is to create and live a fulfilling and joyful life together.
- It’s ok to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and admit when we need help. It doesn’t mean that we’re failing our independence. It means that we’re human. Even the most well-built structures can crumble and fall without the proper support beams that give it structure and strength. Although, I’m still pushing back on the idea of getting a housekeeper. I’ve changed my perspective from insult to gratitude for his efforts to bring in another support beam for our skyscraper.
Letting my guard down
Photo by Kaysha on Unsplash No, I’m not giving up my Independent Woman self. However, I’m learning how and when to lead with her. I maintained my super independent spirit from a place of necessity. It protected me from disappointment; taught me how to take care of myself; and gave me the confidence to accomplish great achievements in my life. She will always be a part of who I am. It feels great to let my guard down, but it’s no easy feat. I have to consciously tell myself that it’s ok to relax and ease into the safety of my husband.
It’s wonderful to know that he has me, no matter what. I am now leaning in to becoming the “great me” in our “we” and it feels amazing, y’all.
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Just do the thing!
I ran in my first 5K run yesterday! Well actually I ran, jogged, trudged through mud and giggled through lathers of bubbles! By now, you should realize that I’m going to find a story or life lesson in the ordinary events of life. My play little sister asked me and my best friend last December to join her in a 5K in July. I was hesitant at first because I know myself. Some things are a great idea until it’s actually time to do it. And this 5K race that we committed to almost 6 months ago is a great example of my “until” principle. But here we were two 50 Plus ONES and a 5K with the determination to be like Nike and “just do it”.
The “Until” Principle
Yesterday was the worst weather day that we’ve had in about a month. It’s mostly been “easy, breezy and beautiful” summer days. There have a been a few sprinkles except for today. On Friday evening, the weather forecast predicted “spotty showers” that would be over by run time. Wrong! Oh so wrong.
We were in the 8:00 a.m. wave of runners – which added more sting to my “until” principle. I’m usually an easy-going, morning person – except for yesterday. The steady rain and heavy clouds added to my “meh” attitude about the run. Anywho, I strive to be a woman of my word. So I sucked it up and pushed ahead….in the driving rain.
We didn’t run on paved streets with scores of onlookers cheering us on with handclaps and cups of water. Nope, we ran on a make-shift course over a wet grassy field; slippery and sloshy mud; cracked pavement and gravel. The race was promoted as a Bubble Run because of the different gateways of colored bubbles that you run through at different places in the course. At first, I was aggravated and nervous that I was going to fall. I texted my husband and called it a “colossal failure” Until my best friend reminded me that “I am an adventurer…now”. I don’t let fear rule my life…I rule my fear! And I certainly don’t allow aggravations of life to stop me from pursuing and achieving my goals. I am the old, new me!
Hype-Woman…get yours!
Now I must tell you that everybody needs a Hype-Woman (or Man) in your life! Someone who reminds you of your past wins and your ability to win again! My best friend and I are each other’s Hype Women! We have hyped each other up since we were 12 years old! She reminded me that, “Girl, you’ve been kayaking in the ocean. Climbing volcanos. Wading under waterfalls….this is nothing”! Next thing I know, I’m hyped up and tapping into my inner-Warrior Woman to “do this thing”!
Photo by Verena Yunita Yapa on Unsplash We speed walked and talked; held hands through the slippery mud; jogged on grass; ran on pavement and giggled through bubbles. At one point, the bubbles were so thick that we couldn’t see. My best friend reached back and said, “grab my hand and close your eyes. I will lead us through.” I laughed hysterically at the time because of the massive amounts of thick bubbles that stuck to every part of our bodies.
My eyes are full of tears as I write this post. There have been so many times, when we held each others hands and closed our eyes as we led the other through grief, trauma, and heartache. So yesterday reality was “nothing”! She is definitely the ChairWoman of my personal Board of TRUSTees (more to come about this subject). Let’s get back to the run…
Admittedly I wanted to look cool and fit when the photographers snapped our pictures running across the finish line. But at the one mile point, I just wanted to finish. I could feel my 50 PLUS ONE knees (not like Megan THE Stallion’s) begin to fail me. And I can’t forget to tell you that my right hip woke up and let me know that she was with me. But my determination told those whining joint-sisters to chill out!
Chill out negative self-talk!
Y’all we got to tell ourselves to chill with negative self-talk when we have a goal in sight. We have to think about when we’ve accomplished hard things that made us close our eyes and get through. The times when we made fears bow down to the Queen. Stop the self-limiting beliefs…especially in our Marvelous Middle, my Sistas! There have been times when I yelled, “STOP” out loud to turn off the “Can’t Do It” song that’s playing in my head. Now I don’t want you to look odd by yelling at yourself. But you can turn up the volume on your “Can do, Have done and Will do” song. And how do you do it?
Photo byZibik on Unsplash How to turn off negative self-talk?
Well, I’m glad that you asked! It’s so easy for our minds to settle on negativity like I did when we began the run. All I saw was mud, rain and my expectations for the race not being met. I couldn’t do anything about the mud or rain, but I could address my expectations. I always tell people that “when you can’t change your situation, change your perspective about it”. Find something to be grateful about – even if it’s just one thing. Yesterday, I was grateful to spend time with my best friend and laugh like we were teenagers again. Both of have busy lives with family and work commitments. Although we talk every day – somedays it isn’t so easy to find time and just hang out.
“When you can’t change your situation,
change your perspective.”
Kim DixonRun away from negative people
I almost got sucked in with the runners in the crowd who expressed their disappointment about the run. Get away from negative people who suck you into their abyss of poisonous thoughts. There is truth in the expression that “misery loves company”. There are some who find comfort in sitting in their discomfort. Well, I ain’t one of them and neither are you. We use Grown Woman…ish! vibes for good and not evil. Sitting in negative thoughts may create a snowball effect by allowing the passing thoughts to stay and turn into a full blown snowstorm. And we’re too busy discovering and living in our joy for that to happen.
Cross the finish line
At last, the finish line was in clear sight. Bestie and I charted chanting, “50 PLUS ONE! 50 PLUS ONE! 50 PLUS ONE” as we passed my play little sister. Yep at this point, we didn’t want her to beat us. Kinda childish, but fun! We got closer to the finish line with each chant and step. Sure, there were people who finished well ahead of us. But the point is that we finished.
My bestie is right, I am now an adventurer of any new thing or experience that brings me joy! It’s time to ditch the Bucket List and LIVE. I don’t want to go through life checking experiences off before I die. I pray that I have more life than list – so why create one in the first place? Just live, Sis.
Grown Woman…ish! is a no judgement zone. I won’t say a word if you have a Bucket List. But I am going to challenge you to activate your list. No more excuses about time that you don’t have; or listening to the “Can’t Do It” song; or waiting for a push to begin. This is your push – do your thing, Sis!
Remember the keys to doing your thing –
- Get your Hype Person
- Chill out with the negative self talk
- Change your perspective and look for gratitude
- Run away from negative people
- Cross the finish line!
With anything in this life, it doesn’t matter when you begin..just begin and do the thing! Whatever your thang is, just do it! So tell me, what is your “thing”?
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The Old, New Me
For at least the past 10 years or so, I’ve told my friends that “we’re too young to be old”! And I wasn’t talking about our chronological ages. I was describing our collective internal energy that leaps when we walk in our purpose and live in our joy! Too young to be old means that we still have a sense of adventure to walk new paths and make new discoveries that get us closer to our purpose and the joys of life! It’s still so much of this world for us to discover and enjoy.
Purpose and Joy
The path to purpose and joy can be filled with hard earned and painful lessons. Some leave scars and wounds that tarnish our joy and make us live in a dimmed state of a new normal. It seems like we’re looking at life through smudgy lenses until we take them off and rediscover the joy that couldn’t be seen.
I’m in this place of discovery and invite you to join me.
Opening the portal of my creative and blooming technical abilities has opened my mind up in a better and more imaginative way. I now envision myself as the HBCU Majorette of “Women of a Certain Age”.
“Women of a Certain Age is a phrase used to avoid saying a person usually a woman is no longer young, but not yet old.”
Free dictionarySidebar: I discovered “Women of a Certain Age” during an internet search for words to describe middle aged women. It tickles me to find old school words and use them in a sentence. Kinda like preparing for my weekly spelling test in elementary school. I think that “certain age” is kinda dope. It’s an old school way of saying – “too young to be old and too old to be young”. We’re in the marvelous and evolving middle!
Now back to my dream, I see myself talking about Grown Woman…ish! and my book on stages, in podcasts and during uplifting conversations that are filled with finger snaps, nodding heads and high-fives. We’ve all heard the UNCF tagline, “A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste”. Well, the “Mind is a Beautiful Thing to Heal”!
Heal, Learn, Grow and Restore!
We have the ability to heal, learn, grow AND restore. Yes, we can be an “old, new me”! She is a healed and whole person who has evolved into the optimal state of herself. The old, new me sounds like an oxymoron. How can we be old, but new at the same time? It’s called evolution, Sis!
evolution – the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex form.
New oxford americAN DICTIONARY
Photo by Suzanne D.Williams on Unsplash As I read the definition of evolution, my eyes fixate on the phrase, “from a simple to a more complex form”. Evolution is complex because the foundation remains the same. However, our redevelopment is built from weaknesses that are optimized into our greatest strengths. My transition from “simple to complex” feels like a thrilling drive on an uphill, winding road. I don’t know what’s around the corner until making the turn. And I’m still evolving!
Women In Transition
Recently, I was asked to deliver the morning keynote address at the Cuyahoga Community College Women In Transition Summer Conference on August 13, 2022. Although I’ve see myself speaking in big spaces and places, my hand shook as I typed my acceptance to the invitation. It felt as if someone peaked into my imagination and kickstarted my new reality. Public speaking doesn’t bother me, in fact I feel energized by it. However, this time will be different because I won’t be talking about my work. I am going to share about my self-work of healing, learning, growing and restoring. I’m also going to allow my fellow Women In Transition to hold my baby girl who I named, Grown Woman…ish! and her growth stages in the rediscovery of living in my joy. Here’s another fast turn to the unknown on my uphill, winding road.
I joyfully accepted this speaking opportunity because I am a Woman In Transition. I’m in a space where I’m evolving into a more advanced and developed version of myself in a dynamic world of change. Ooh that sounds like a description of a science fiction movie. Think about it, we are always in a constant state of change in a changing world.
Transition isn’t a bad thing. I get it, we’re all creatures of habit and change feels scary. Just remember that the space between fear and action is growth. And I’m all in for “healing, learning and growing to find and live in my joy”!
If I describe my journey of evolution as a checklist, it would read as follows –
My Evolution Checklist
Showing UP as the old, new me!
I am the old, new me! And guess what, she’s confident, fun-loving, young at heart, wise and is finding and living in her joy. The old, new me shows up differently in my marriage; work; friendships and in the world. For my close girlfriends in my life, I’m received with “Welcome, back! Girl, we missed you.”! For co-workers, it’s the grand reaction, “Wow, Girl you’re on fire in these meetings!” And for my husband, it’s the good night with “I love you, Babe. I’m happy to see you happy again”. And as they say on social media, “it was the you look so joyful” comment from one of my social media friends for me!
Late Night Revelations
I had a revelation before falling asleep the other night. It came to me as my eyes fluttered with drowsiness and the ceiling fan created a gentle, cool breeze in the room. As I drifted into a deeper state of relaxation, I was lulled by my husband’s deep breaths of sleep and warmth emanating from his body. I felt happy….actually it was joy-infused gratitude for my journey and its peaceful destination. Then I smiled to myself and wished my old, new me “good night” and looked forward to greeting her in the morning.
What is on your evolution checklist? Drop a comment below – let’s talk!
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Matching Energies!
Hey My Grown Womanish…! Sistas!! Let’s talk about the D… Dating! Now where did your mind go? Well it’s ok, if it went there because if you’re thinking about “The D” then it begins with dating. I already know, “you ain’t got time for foolishness”! I get it, time is our most precious resource. It’s the one thing that we can never get back, once lost. So this post will not just save you time, but your energy.
Lesson One – the energy must match for THE match to work!
What do I mean by energy? It can mean a few things. One, the vibe that a person exudes to the world in reaction or proaction to other people, places, situations or things. It can also be the amount of effort or feelings that we extends to others. The dictionary defines it as “the capacity for doing work“. Now that’s when the ish gets real for me….energy equates to work, Sis!
Lesson Two – he (or she) must exert the same “work” to date you as you’re exerting to them!
Have you ever seen the movie or read the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You”? It was basically a guide to understanding the social cues or actions that men give off (or I would imagine women too) when they’re not viewing the other as a potential partner. Sad thing is that some will use the other person as a “space filler” until the person who they want to be “into” enters their lives.
Sometimes we’re in denial about the unreturned phone calls or texts; unacknowledged special days or holidays; or lame arse (not a typo) excuses about why they can’t see you on the prime dating days (weekends and holidays). But you still give them the opportunity or dare I say, hold space for them “just in case” their situations change.
Lesson Three – recognize when the energy isn’t matching!
Sis, we got to match energies! I’m going to even extend this beyond the D (for dating), but in any non-familial relationship. We will talk about families later! A older, wise gentleman once told me, “I treat people like they treat me”. It’s another way of saying that our work…our efforts…our energy must match!
It’s like watching the amazing Serena Williams playing in a heated tennis match. She’s serving the tennis ball across the net with so much energy and force because she wants to win. Her opponent returns Serena’s serve with so much energy and and force because she wants to win. Although one person will be caught slipping and miss the serve, the most exciting and dare I say – passion to win, fueled tennis matches happen when the energy matches. Get it?
Let me make this point clear with the following scenarios. And be honest. Grown woman…ish! is a no judgement zone!
If you’re always initiating communications (phone calls, texts, social media posts, etc) and they never reach out first. Energy doesn’t match.
If you’re always making and/or planning the efforts to get together and they never ask first. Energy doesn’t match.
If you’re giving gifts and/or offering assistance and dude (or chick) is always the recipient. Energy doesn’t match.
If you talk about seeing this dude (or chick) in your future, but they don’t talk in the same way about you. I’m not even talking about marriage. How about one year from now? Energy doesn’t match.
If you haven’t seen them in a few days and feel the pangs of missing them and excitement to see them, but they’re good with not seeing you or even making an effort to do so. Energy doesn’t match.
It took me the longest time to understand the equation for finding “my person”.
“Your person must want what you want, at the same time… with you!”
Kim dixonLet me break it down for you.
Want what you want + At the same time+ With you = Matching Energies
If one of these factors is off then, this isn’t your person. It’s not to say that you can’t enjoy a person that doesn’t fit this formula. But if you’re serious about finding “your person” then it’s critical. I remember meeting this dude in my dating days that told me that I was a nice lady, but we don’t want the same things out of life. By this point, I was tired of hanging out with the “something -to- do dudes”. So I respectfully bowed out because he was cool with occupying my time and knowing that our energy didn’t match. And these type will still offer the D (not for dating) because they’re counting on our desperation to have someone special.
Well, guess what – that ain’t my Grown Woman…ish! Sistas. We own our power and make choices because they serve us well, not out of desperation. If you’re at a place in your life where you’re content with the D (not for dating, without the dating) – it’s cool. Been there, done that. I’m talking to my Grown Woman…ish! Sistas who are ready to give love another try or a first try.
Let me take a step back and offer a moment of clarity. Just because we’re in the marvelous middle in our lives, doesn’t mean that we have experienced real love before. Like the Real Love that our Sista Mary sang about 30 years ago.
“Real love, I’m searching for a real love
Someone to set my heart free…”
mary j. bligeIronically, when you look at the lyrics there is a point when Mary realizes that the energy doesn’t match with her lover that was “true and though they made it through the storm”. She later sings in the same song, “so I slowly came to see all of the things that you are made of and now my hopes and inspirations lead me to want some real love.” Boom! Unmatched energy strikes again.
Black women often get caught up in applying the same efforts to earn achievement that have worked for us in our academics or profession to our dating lives. Working hard doesn’t always lead to successful dating and relationships. It’s actually quite the opposite. We set ourselves up to be frustrated, used or exhausted (mentally, physically and sometimes financially). Been there. Done that.
It may even cross the line over into the trap of “people-pleasing”. I know that we were socialized to work twice as hard as our non-black peers. But in this case, we must pull back for our own self-preservation and dignity. Yes, be “too proud to beg”! No shade to TLC, but Chili and T-Box are in their marvelous middle age now. And I bet that they would agree with me!
Have you ever dated someone and got the old “I’m not ready for anything serious” and then they get seriously booed up or married within the year? Mind you, I’m not talking about those who are cheating on their partner. There are some super shady arse (not a typo again) people out there who are serial time-wasters, but in this case you thought that there was potential there. If you take a good and honest look back, I’m sure that you can recall times when the energy didn’t match. And you looked the other way because you were having fun. Or even worse, it was better than being alone. No judgement, Sis. Been there, done that.
I want you to do the D..for dating with discernment. After there is an establishment of mutual attraction, look at the actions – don’t fall for words. The energy gotta match! Now don’t go into a new situation with your guard up and ready to stick and move. Rather, watch their energy when it comes to dating you. Are they consistently showing interest in their communications? Is there an even balance of the initiation for a date? Are they upbeat when they see you? Do their actions match their words? Dare I say, does the energy match?
Just because we’re on the other side of 40 doesn’t mean that the game has changed. In some ways, it’s gotten easier to be played by the game. But that won’t happen to you because you’re playing to win! You’re going to master the D for dating and enjoy the passion, joy and fun when the energy matches. What do you think? Drop a comment below.
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Not My Mama’s 50!
I was in the middle of my roaring 20’s when when my mother turned 50 years old. Of course, anyone in their 50’s is “old” to a young person at the height of their prime. Although only 25 years separates us, it seemed as if there was a farther distance between our spaces in time. My Mom had a different “air” about herself when she was my current age. She was an older 50 than me!
Maybe it has something to do with our upbringing? My mother survived childhood poverty and trauma, but so did I. My mother achieved some of her most significant accomplishments like earning her Nursing degree and working in her dream profession at an age that was older than most. And so did I! Like me, my mother was in the prime of her “late blooming summer” at 50. But, to me – her 50 looked different. And I think that it probably feels different. We are aging at a different pace. I’m a young 50!
A Young 50!
What is a young 50? Well, it’s funny that you ask! A young 50 has a youthful spirit with the energy to match. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes my body reminds me that I’m 50 plus ONE. But, most days, my mind feels the same vigor as I felt 20 or so years ago. I am a fly 50 – LOL! I work hard to keep myself together. And trust me, it’s hard work – it’s worth it!
I keep my body moving; stay fashion forward; and keep my mind right by working with my counselor to heal those damn “unresolved traumas”! There is still a whole lot of great living to be lived and enjoyed in our 40 plus years. I’m not ready to sit in a corner to knit and purl my way into retirement. There is still so much to learn about myself and opportunities to grow into the very best version of myself. And the same is true for you! Nope, we’re not ready for pants without zippers and shoes with velcro strips! No shade intended.
Photo by Emily Bauman on Unsplash My best friend and I always joke about the things that our minds tell us. Like, Michelle Obama is in my girlfriend circle…in my mind! Beyonce is my little sister and Blue Ivy is my neicy-poo ..in my mind! And I am a roaring 28 -35 year old (depending on the day)…in my mind! It’s fun and games when we think about the untruths in our minds that we wish were truths. But seriously, my youthful feeling of zeal, excitement and amazement have not changed because I am 50 plus ONE. There are times when I feel like the time stopped on my youth and picked up the wisdom of a well-seasoned woman. Those moments are fire! I call them my Full of 50 moments!
Full of 50!
People can be full of a lot of things. Full of ish…full of themselves..full of joy. Well I am full of 50! It’s a wonderful place to arrive. Full of 50 means that you unapologetically embrace who you without giving 2 middle fingers up (one on each hand) if anyone else does.
It means an intentional end to the survival habits that we picked up along our life journey. Habits like people-pleasing; being led by fear; unenforced boundaries and silencing our voices. It’s a time to thrive by acknowledging our weaknesses and wounds and taking active steps towards healing and restoration!
Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash I announced the launch of Grown Woman…ish! during the birthday celebration this year. It pleasantly surprised me when people noticed my post with my logo and unpopulated web address. One of my co-workers stopped me at work and asked about my post. She shared that my description of Grown Woman…ish! resonated with her because of the youthful exuberance as a woman in her sixth decade of life. She feels and lives like a vibrant 35 year old! I was floored that we are a decade apart because I thought that we were closer in age.
Being “Full of 50” is beginning to show up in my professional life. My presence and voice is louder in meetings even when I pledge to remain silent to myself. And I feel my boldness surge in those moments. I feel obliged release my energy into the space by sharing my opinion or processing thoughts. I experience a weird feeling of satisfaction when I don’t hold anything back. It’s a new place for me. I can’t even tell you about the number of times when I swallowed my hurt feelings; bit my lip; and wrestled with the angst of telling someone that I didn’t agree with their perspective. Full of 50 is a stage of growth where I’m leaning in. It’s the Age of Boldness!
Keep It Moving, Sis!
Moving is a necessity to live a vibrant 40 plus life. Being Full of 50 means we don’t let age rob our bodies of its natural movements and functions. My Grown Woman…ish! sistas – optimize your Full of 40 plus selves!
Keep or start exercising regularly; maintain/seek a healthy sex life (we’ll talk more about that later), rest and manage stress. Our bodies can age us, but we can fight to win the battles of physical age. Now with our minds – fight the doldrums and worries of life that age us by setting positive intentions. Start each day with an affirmation, prayer or meditation – or all of them to keep your mind in a peaceful place.
I begin each day by saying, “something good is going to happen to me today”. And I expect for something good to happen! We can transform our lives by transforming our thoughts. Although, we can’t control the “what” of aging, but we can influence ”how” we age. I’m sure that we all want to age well, with grace and style. I want to age “like a pair of new leather shoes” that get more comfortable as they mold to every unique contour of me.
Being “full of…” isn’t exclusive to 50, whether you are full of 40 or 50- be FULL of your best self.
Top 10 Ways to be Full of 50!
- Allow “no” to become your power word! Wield it to protect your peace, like a fencer uses a sword. Sometimes saying “no” is self-care!
- Stay active by moving your body EVERY day- walk, jog, dance, jump or skip – movement matters.
- Daydream – who would you like to be or meet… in your mind? You never know, it could happen! My point is to keep your imagination and minds active.
- Say it OUTLOUD, Sis! Release the energy by putting your voice in the room or in ears that need to hear it.
- Try something new for the heck of it! A new restaurant, trendy hairstyle, take a class in something that you always wanted to learn or even change the route that you take home. You may find a new experience that will take your Full of …moment to the next level.
- Stop playing it safe! If the reward is great, take the chance. Remember we got to kick those ”what ifs” to the curb where they belong.
- Travel to a place where you’ve never been before. – bonus points if you roll solo! Don’t let your single status or a partner who doesn’t like to travel keep you homebound. Organize a girlfriend trip or join a travel club. It’s a whole world out there that’s waiting for you to see it!
- If you’re too young or not ready to retire and feel unfulfilled or frustrated by work, find a new job. Life is too short to be aggravated for 2,080 full-work hours per year (and yes, I know this number!).
- Do something creative! It activates a different part of your brain and releases those wonderful feel-good endorphins. Writing this blog has given me something to look forward to and taught me a new skills. Who knew that I could build a website on my own!
- Be your damn self and flash two flying fingers (the middle ones on each hand) for those who won’t accept it. PERIOD.
What does your Full of 40, 50 or plus feel like? Drop me a comment below!
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Do it …in spite of fear!
There are motivational speakers who encourage us to dream BIG and scary dreams. I don’t know about you, but I hate being afraid of anything. As a matter of fact, I’m tired of being led by fear. Remember my revelation about my inability to dream? Unfortunately, my ability to dream was replaced by a paralyzing fear of being let down. And worse of all, letting myself down.
It was a sobering “a-ha” moment for me, but one that drove me to make a declaration that I would “do it in fear” – no matter what! My “it” could be anything – from launching Grown Woman…ish! to walking into the unknown possibilities. It was a liberating and joyful moment that I celebrated by making an accountability post with Four Reminders on Instagram on December 13, 2020 for all to see. You know how things become real when posted on social media – LOL!
Four Reminders and IG Real
Instagram post on December 13, 2020 It seemed like making those declarations opened the floodgates of fear when I decided to launch Grown Woman…ish! I planned to use my blog to build the discipline and consistency that is necessary to write my book (#2 on my list). My dream of writing my book has been in my mind for the past 20 years. What if I fail? Succeed? What if I’m not good enough? The “what ifs” were uninvited guests at the party in my head. I finally kicked my uninvited guests out by drafting my ideas for my blog and purchasing the web domain for Grown Woman…ish! last fall. I was on my way until I allowed work frustrations convince me that this would be a mediocre effort at best.
My unpopulated and unpublished Grown Woman…ish! domain sat for 7 months. But, I my spirit felt unsettled. I kept feeling a gentle push to write and even jotted down titles, but I resisted it. I chalked Grown Woman…ish! as one of those fleeting great ideas in my mind. My husband asked me when I was going to write. I made excuses about how I was so busy; the website was too technical to set up on my own; and it was too expensive to hire a professional to do it for me.
The excuse-making and back stepping changed this past March when I received a text message from a girlfriend during my morning prayer time. She woke out of her sleep with a divine message for me to write. BOOM! There it was – the confirmation that I needed to shift gears from park to drive!
Fighting Mediocrity
Photo by Arissa Chatassa on Unsplash I wasn’t purposed for a life of mediocrity, nor are you. I believe that a mediocre life is the result of unpursued dreams. It doesn’t matter if our ideas or dreams are successful, it matters if we don’t try. Our lives are transformed to greatness by the lessons and blessings that are gained in every experience. Achieving greatness and destiny are married to the divinely-guided dreams that are placed in our minds and hearts. We can create a future for our present right now!
Many of us carry BIG dreams in our minds, but we allow the “what-ifs” to stop us before we even start. Or we allow others to leave the residue of their unrealized dreams or fears on us. Sometimes its best to share the dream by actually doing it in silence – now that’s truly a Grown Woman…ish! move. Silence that isn’t an act of selfishness, but self-care. Oh and we will talk about true self-care and what it looks like at another time. Spoiler alert – it’s more than having a mimosa and massage!
Treat your dream like a precious gems that could fracture if it’s dropped. Rhianna reminds us to “shine bright like a diamond”. Sis, the world needs the brilliance of your diamond! Find your “it” and fight your “what ifs” by doing and shining! Do your “IT” in spite of fear….with your Grown Woman…ish self!
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Sorry, too many sorry’s!
Hey, Sis, stop apologizing for stupid.. ish! I’m going to begin this post with a list that qualify as stupid ish to apologize for –
Don’t apologize for…..
- People who let you down
- Jobs that don’t recognize your greatness or potential
- Disrespectful children
- Being your authentic self
- Cutting off people and/or situations from your life that don’t serve or treat you well
- Situations that you have no control
- Fill in the blank ____________________________
Sorry, that’s too many sorry’s for me…and you! Trust is earned, not given. Why do we treat the priceless gift of our grace with any less value? As a child, I was forced to apologize even when I wasn’t the offender. Can you relate? If so, then it conditioned us to accept responsibility for wrongdoings or small injustices that we didn’t commit. How many times did you say, “but I didn’t do anything’? Now that we’re good and grown, sometimes we revert back to our child selves and automatically apologize. Have you ever apologized for something that you didn’t do to make immediate peace? However, the price of your fake apology was an inner-discomfort that couldn’t be settled. It’s because you gave away an “I’m sorry” to someone who didn’t deserve it.
Today, I was talking to one of my girlfriends about a dating situation. She has been dating a guy for a couple of months. This weekend, dude pulled a Harry Houdini and disappeared on my friend. They spoke, hours after their scheduled date and my friend delivered a “natural, salty-arse” (not a typo) reaction to his lame excuse. I was into her account of the events until….she apologized to him for her “natural, salty-arse” (not a typo) reaction. What??!!! My reaction was, “you had nothing to apologize for!” I get it, we want to present ourselves as controlled and mature. However, he deserved her “natural, salty-arse” (not a typo) reaction! Grace is divinely granted without any effort by the recipient. There is power in the grace that we give by choice. And sometimes we give the power of our grace away to those that don’t deserve it.
Own your ish, but no one else’s!
Owning my mistakes; apologizing; and making it right is one of my life mantras. I now realize that this is a principle that everyone doesn’t subscribe to. Why was it necessary for me to “own” someone else’s shortcomings? I owned someone else’s mistakes when I gave away my “I’m sorry” to those who never gave me theirs. Chalk that to my people-pleasing tendencies that I am working to eliminate.
Photo by Hay S on Unsplash Own your “I’m sorry”!
I’ve done it too many times to recall. It’s been my automatic response to individuals at work who offended me; unreliable men that I dated; and any situation that I wanted to bandage my disappointment or hurt. I’m not saying to walk around with an unforgiving spirit or with a chip on your shoulder. What I am saying is to recognize and treasure the value of “your grace”. Sometimes it means spending a Saturday night alone. Or having an uncomfortable conversation with a manager, co-worker or even family member about what you’re not going to accept. It’s past time to step up and OWN our grace! OWN your “I’m sorry”!
Sis, make your grace count! Give your “I’m sorry” power by using it when you own the offense and can make it right. Don’t bandage a hurt or disappointment with an “I’m sorry” because it makes you or your offender feel better. Hold those accountable who offend you, give them space to apologize …AND make it right. Be prepared to walk away because the power of your grace and peace is worth it.
What is something that we shouldn’t apologize for? Drop a comment below.
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Finding love after 40!
I celebrated my Queen Day this weekend with a small gathering of few girlfriends from my bookclub at my house. It’s always a great time when we get together. We listen, laugh…and learn from each other. This gathering’s lesson was “finding love after 40”! My best friend and I were subject matter experts about this topic during this girlfriend session. We both married our husbands in our glorious 40’s.
As I shared before, I had a robust social life in my 20’s and 30’s. Sadly, my 40’s arrived with heartbreak after 3 year relationship ended when I turned 39 years old. I hadn’t fully given up hope on love finding me, but my love tank was flashing “low fuel”. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed life to THE fullest but there was still something…someone…missing until I met my mister.
Love is welcome here!
In 2006, my best friend and I were 35 years old, college educated, and in the 34% of unmarried black women compared to 67% of our married, white, female counterparts. We were portrayed by others as either too independent to marry; women who didn’t want to marry; damaged; and some questioned our sexuality. It hurt because we wanted to be married since we were 14 years old. So this Saturday night, we were in a position to encourage, mentor and advise our fabulous single girlfriends who are over 40 years old and welcoming love into their lives.
It would never have been my plan to marry for the first time at 45 years old. But my wait has been worth it. My husband is handsome, seasoned with wisdom, youthful, funny and committed to us! People ask me if I prayed the “Ciara prayer”. I can’t honestly say that I did. I prayed for a husband for far longer than the four years that I’ve been married. What’s the difference? This time I was ready to receive love.
# HappilyEverDixon April 14, 2018 The getting ready for love process took time, brutal honesty, humility and a continual prayer. One day, I reflected about how I kept meeting and dating the same guy. Sure, they were different people, but tall experienced the same ole’ me and resulted in the same dating failure. I made the realization that the common denominator was me. It was a humbling A-Ha moment for me. Instead of claiming defeat, I worked on myself in prayer and therapy. It was eye-opening! My childhood and younger adult traumas manifested as poor decisions and actions that worked against my success. I needed to heal and be whole to ready myself for love.
Get ready
An awesome Afrocentric therapist helped me to process my traumas and unprocessed grief after my Dad’s death. She helped me recognize when I was choosing potential suitors based on an attraction of our mutual brokenness. This experience may be summarized as the 3 P’s of life-change – powerful, painful and purposeful.
It was powerful for me to recycle my pain into purpose! I forgave myself and others for the missteps and poor decisions. My approach to dating changed from low fuel to an energized, full tank! Most of all, I learned to trust myself again and opened myself to the possibility find love after 40 and for it to find me! No more one-sided, unreciprocated love affairs. It was refreshing and empowering to view the world with uncracked lenses. And guess what, I’m still in my healing journey as I process and release traumas and grief (not all grief is related to death) as a married and whole woman.
So my biggest piece of advice isn’t just for my “40 plus amazing” sisters, it’s for those who want to love and be loved. If you want to find love after 40 – get ready for it. Here are my top 5 ways to “Get ready to love and be loved!”
My Top 6 Ways to get love ready!
I began with my top 5 ways and thought of another gem to share. I will drop a few more pearls along the way. And I encourage you to share your pearls in the comments below. Remember, we are a grown women – talking about grown woman things!
Be the source of your own closure from past hurts by releasing its offender from the obligation of an apology or to make it right. Your peace is worth it!
Leave your luggage at the door! Finding love after 40 means that there is a strong possibility that you’ve picked up a bag or two along the way. Opening the door to love means letting go of the old to make room for the new! If you find yourself triggered by a new experience, do the work – in prayer, meditation, self-reflection or therapy to identify, understand, process and release the source of trigger. It would’t be fair to allow a potential new boo to step on a land mine that was planted by someone else.
Know what you want….and don’t settle! Now I’m not talking about little things or quirks – but your non-negotiables. If you find yourself trying to convince yourself to “be in like” or attracted to a potential suitor then this isn’t your person! Age has blessed us to know what we can live with or without – don’t chose to live without just to fill an empty space in your heart….or bed (yes, I said it!).
Try new things! Yes, you heard me. I met my husband online and so did my best friend. Now I’m not promoting online dating because it isn’t for everyone. Trying new things could mean walking in your “Grown woman..ish mode” by getting super cute, going to a nice eatery or coffee shop and sitting confidently alone as you sip your tea or savor a nice glass of wine. The point is to increase the odds of meeting “your person” by increasing the chances that you will meet. Grown woman…ish! vibes are attractive and welcoming to new energy!
Flirt! A smile and making eye contact goes a long way. I LOVE flirting – yes, present tense because I still flirt with my husband. When you’re single, you must demonstrate your openness to being approached. No one likes being rejected, flirting is the “green light” that gives the signal to proceed. It’s also a great confidence booster, even if you decide to keep it moving. Confidence is the sexiest vibe that a Grown…ish! woman can exude. And yes, you still got it – try a practice run!
Be yourself! I thought that I had to compete and show up in my budding relationships like I was auditioning for a part. I offered my love by trying to be what they wanted me to be or showing them how awesome that I could be as a girlfriend or wife. It was freaking exhausting and unsuccessful. People ask me how did I know that my husband was “the one”. My answer is always the same, ” I could be myself with him….and he loved me back”. The best advice that my Mom gave me was to “be myself, my best self….and it would be alright.” She was absolutely right! My sisters, be yourselves – it’s so much easier than trying to be someone else or what someone wants you to be!
Walk in your full Grown Woman…Ish vibe and see how your steps will lead to a new way of living and loving in your 40 plus amazing years! How are you walking in your Grown Woman…ish! vibe? Drop a comment below.
“It’s the fire in my eyes, and the flash of my teeth, the swing in my waist. And the joy in my feet. I’m a woman phenomenally.”
maya angelou
