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The Year of More!
This is the first day of 2023. The new year has always been a time of reflection and declaration for me. I believe in setting my intentions and vision for the incoming year. As I reflect over the last year, 2022 was a good year for me. Overall, there were more high points than low ones. My vision for the “Year of Me” came to fruition in a job change; launching my blog; maintaining my mental, spiritual and physical health; and living in my authentic self. I even delivered a motivational keynote address to “Women In Transition”, like me! As we welcome 2023 with its full potential of greatness, my vision for this year is “more.” I am making the declaration that 2023 is going to be the Year of More!
My 2022 Vision Board More…
“More” has been brewing in my spirit throughout this most recent holiday season. My husband kept asking me what I wanted for Christmas. And to be honest, I couldn’t think of anything. It’s not that I have everything. Certainly, I could have thought of an expensive gift that sparkles. However, my heart’s desires can’t be purchased online or in a store. I want more of the greatness of 2022. And I’m not talking about the material stuff. I would like more joy, peace, professional fulfillment, fun, and great experiences. I had life-filling moments that I will forever cherish.
Hiking in Hawaii – April 2022 True enough, it sucked to miss a whole month of my life recovering from COVID. However, my heart smiles when I think about the love that my husband showed when he took care of me. And the joy of celebrating his 50th birthday at a luau in Hawaii. I smile as I think about the kicks and giggles when I celebrated my Queen Day with my girlfriends. And I’m filled with awe as my mind travels back to hearing Michelle Obama speak about her new book in Atlanta. These are the “mores” that chase away storm clouds when they appear in the sky of my life.
A great New Year’s Eve
I enjoyed an awesome New Year’s Eve conversation with my amazing, bonus daughter, Tatihana last night. She is in a place of growth, self-awareness, and is activating her vision by living in her power and operating from her more! My pride teemed for her as we spoke because her Dad and I have longed and prayed for her “more” to come. And selfishlessly, she became a new more for me because I look forward to “more” mother-daughter times with her. More conversations when we are encouraging, teaching, inspiring and loving each other. These moments are especially special to me because it wasn’t in God’s plan for me to have biological children. And I believe that this is His answer to my prayers for my legacy.
Sharing our mores…
The highlight of our conversation came when I asked her about what she was looking forward to this new year. She spoke of her business ventures, travel and expressions of her creativity. Then I shared my vision of “more” for 2023. We ended are call with our usual, “I’ll talk to you soon and love you’s.” Then I stopped and made the declaration of “more” for her. I would like for her to experience more creativity, stability, success, inner peace, financial freedom, discernment and happiness – all the mores that parents want for their kids. And I’m happy to see that her more is growing and becoming more tangible with each passing day. And will become even greater in this new year.
Photo by Christy Jacob on Unsplash What is your more? I challenge you to fill in the blank in this sentence for 2023. I want more ___________in 2023. Think abundance and use commas or create new sentences. Drop your mores in the comments below. I want to stand in agreement with you and joyfully manifest our mores in 2023! These are the mores that chase away storm clouds; breathe life into unmanifested dreams; and give our hopes the wings that they need to soar.
Join me and declare that 2023 is the year of your more! And let me be the first to wish you a “Happy More Year!”
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Doing my “It”!
It’s been one week and a day since I crossed off one of my “its” on my BIG dream list. I delivered the keynote address at the Women In Transition 2022 Summer Workshop. You would have thought that I was speaking at the Oscars because of my preparation for this awesome occasion. I promised myself in 2020 to “do it in fear” – whatever my “it” was! Well this was an “It” moment! I was equally excited and nervous to share my vulnerabilities, fears and dreams with a room of mostly strangers.
Tri-C Women In Transition Program flyer I couldn’t let fear block me from an opportunity to stand before my fellow women in transition to speak, inspire and connect. I asked myself so many questions as I prepared my talking points. Which life story would I share? How could I craft my words around a common theme that leads to action? Would my message be received or rejected? I didn’t want to make this an “all about me” talk. Or come off as so “put together” that my stories of when I wasn’t would seem inauthentic.
Photo by Tri-C Women In Transition Program My theme came to me a couple of days after I thought about the workshop theme of “Restoring your mind, body and spirit”. It was so me! I decided to speak about “The Old, New Me”. Sound familiar? Well I hope that it does because it was one of my blog posts. It has received the most emotional reactions and comments since I launched my blog. The Old, New Me is about my personal evolution that took me from allowing fear to rule my life, to ruling my fear!
“Fear doesn’t rule me. I rule my fear!”
Kimalon Dixon and WIT AttendeesTough truths
I exposed parts of myself in my blog post and speech that were tough realizations after attending the https://moniqueinc.co Power of Vision Retreat in 2020. The climax of the retreat was a moment of raw honesty for me. I realized that I had stopped dreaming. Unfortunately, I had lost myself to anxiety, depression and the spirit of perfectionism from a series of life-changing events that changed me for the worst. However, it also speaks of my journey during these past 2 years that led me to find new joy and purpose. I think that these are experiences that most women (and men) can relate.
Photo by Platinum Shutter Photography I prayed for God to use my words in this space. And He did! I found my rhythm after shaking off the nervous energy during my introduction. There were moments when I felt my eyes tear when I saw women (some who looked like me and others who didn’t) nod their heads in agreement. It was awesome when the room of women (and one man) make the commitment to rule their fear and to do their “it”! I really felt the power of my own words when I made the analogy of becoming the old, new me with the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly. Here’s a little secret for you – I was talking about myself.
Photo by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash My message struck me when I said, “I wonder if the caterpillar knows that it’s destined to be a butterfly. Could it be that some of you are like the caterpillar who didn’t know that it was destined to be a butterfly?” I felt my eyes water when I said it because I remember my caterpillar phase. There had been moments when life pressed me down so hard that I only saw the world with the flat, one-dimensional vision that comes from crawling on your belly just to make it to the next day. I am so grateful to be on the other side of this phase of my life experiences. Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days. But I am doing more than existing – I am living!
Photo by Platinum Shutter Photography “Think about the caterpillar who didn’t know that it was destined to be a butterfly… until one fine day when it felt itself changing.”
Kimalon dixonI now live with a fierce protection of my peace. I removed my cloak of perfectionism and stand in my “no” for self-preservation instead of people-pleasing. And I’ve also learned the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is grand, but I savor moments of joy. I live in expectancy that good things are coming my way. And I begin each day with the affirmation that, “something good is going to happen to me today”! I am drawn to life-filling experiences instead of life-depleting ones. Living in JOY is requires the intentionality and action that I readily take.
Photo by Platinum Shutter Photography Time really flew when I was having fun with my new found sisters in transition. My husband greeted me and helped me off the stage after I closed my talk. He whispered in my ear, “great job, Babe”! It felt so awesome to be received with love, acceptance and pride by him, the conference organizers and audience members. It wasn’t the rejection that fear had tried to tell me to expect. I can’t really describe the feeling of inner-jubilation that I felt as I sat down. My spirit leaped for JOY!
A Picture of the Old, New Me
The Old, New Me by Gwen Garth A few of the ladies came over during the session break and told me that they enjoyed my talk. Some asked for hugs and promised to join my blog community.
There was one woman in particular that will forever be a part of my becoming story. Her name is Gwen Garth. Gwen is a local artist, activist, organizer among other things. She is truly a phenomenal woman with a powerful testimony of redemption and victory. Her art may be seen around town in various places. Gwen presented me with a beautiful picture of “the old, new me” that she drew during my talk. I love the picture because she captured my confidence and exuberance that I feel in my restored self. The picture also shows me standing in my rediscovered joy and new purpose.
Oh, yes…I am the old, new me who is ready to soar in my new purpose and joy like a butterfly.
Photo by Daniel Klein on Unsplash -
Sorry, too many sorry’s!
Hey, Sis, stop apologizing for stupid.. ish! I’m going to begin this post with a list that qualify as stupid ish to apologize for –
Don’t apologize for…..
- People who let you down
- Jobs that don’t recognize your greatness or potential
- Disrespectful children
- Being your authentic self
- Cutting off people and/or situations from your life that don’t serve or treat you well
- Situations that you have no control
- Fill in the blank ____________________________
Sorry, that’s too many sorry’s for me…and you! Trust is earned, not given. Why do we treat the priceless gift of our grace with any less value? As a child, I was forced to apologize even when I wasn’t the offender. Can you relate? If so, then it conditioned us to accept responsibility for wrongdoings or small injustices that we didn’t commit. How many times did you say, “but I didn’t do anything’? Now that we’re good and grown, sometimes we revert back to our child selves and automatically apologize. Have you ever apologized for something that you didn’t do to make immediate peace? However, the price of your fake apology was an inner-discomfort that couldn’t be settled. It’s because you gave away an “I’m sorry” to someone who didn’t deserve it.
Today, I was talking to one of my girlfriends about a dating situation. She has been dating a guy for a couple of months. This weekend, dude pulled a Harry Houdini and disappeared on my friend. They spoke, hours after their scheduled date and my friend delivered a “natural, salty-arse” (not a typo) reaction to his lame excuse. I was into her account of the events until….she apologized to him for her “natural, salty-arse” (not a typo) reaction. What??!!! My reaction was, “you had nothing to apologize for!” I get it, we want to present ourselves as controlled and mature. However, he deserved her “natural, salty-arse” (not a typo) reaction! Grace is divinely granted without any effort by the recipient. There is power in the grace that we give by choice. And sometimes we give the power of our grace away to those that don’t deserve it.
Own your ish, but no one else’s!
Owning my mistakes; apologizing; and making it right is one of my life mantras. I now realize that this is a principle that everyone doesn’t subscribe to. Why was it necessary for me to “own” someone else’s shortcomings? I owned someone else’s mistakes when I gave away my “I’m sorry” to those who never gave me theirs. Chalk that to my people-pleasing tendencies that I am working to eliminate.
Photo by Hay S on Unsplash Own your “I’m sorry”!
I’ve done it too many times to recall. It’s been my automatic response to individuals at work who offended me; unreliable men that I dated; and any situation that I wanted to bandage my disappointment or hurt. I’m not saying to walk around with an unforgiving spirit or with a chip on your shoulder. What I am saying is to recognize and treasure the value of “your grace”. Sometimes it means spending a Saturday night alone. Or having an uncomfortable conversation with a manager, co-worker or even family member about what you’re not going to accept. It’s past time to step up and OWN our grace! OWN your “I’m sorry”!
Sis, make your grace count! Give your “I’m sorry” power by using it when you own the offense and can make it right. Don’t bandage a hurt or disappointment with an “I’m sorry” because it makes you or your offender feel better. Hold those accountable who offend you, give them space to apologize …AND make it right. Be prepared to walk away because the power of your grace and peace is worth it.
What is something that we shouldn’t apologize for? Drop a comment below.
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Age is more than a number…
I am humming, “age ain’t nothin’ but a number… by Aaliyah as I type the thoughts that are being dictated in my mind.” Yes, I’m a 70’s baby who came of age in the 1990’s. I celebrated my 50th Queen Day last year and will be 51 in less than one month.
Last week, I was plagued by the thought that I had wasted my life because I didn’t have biological babies. I felt as if my alarm clock went off and I didn’t hear it until missed my window of opportunity had passed. As someone who works to put her counseling sessions into practice, I reflected to understand where the root of this thought grew from. How did I get my perception of aging? Why don’t I feel my age? Well at least mentally – LOL! I deduced that it was because my family culture defies age!
Long LIFErs!
We are a family of long LIFErs! We live out loud and for a long time. My Dad fathered me and my brother in his mid-late 40’s. Mom went back to college at 40 and achieved her nursing degree in her mid-forties. My Aunts and Uncles (on Dad’s side) lived well into their 80’s, 90’s and even 100’s! I am from a lineage of age-defying folks. For me, age is more than a number. It is something to grow into with style and grace, like a pair of new leather shoes. They’re snug when you first put them on, but with time they contour to the uniqueness of your feet and become your perfect fit!
As I put two and two together, I thought that I had more time when it came to having a baby. I lived my Life Out Loud in the prime of my child bearing years, affectionately known as my “Roaring 20’s”. I worked late; traveled some; mad dumb ass decisions; fell in like – once or twice, or maybe a few times; partied and by the time that I looked up….I was in my 30’s. By then, I realized that it was more to life than having a good time.
Getting my “ish” together!
My third decade of life was devoted to “getting my ish” together. I went back to school for my MBA, budgeted, paid my bills on time; became a caregiver for my aging Dad…and got serious about life. Sure, I had a bunch of situationships and thought that they were promising at the time, but none led to anything meaningful, but disappointment and tears. I remember excitedly telling one of my girlfriends about a guy who I had met and was excited about. She was like, “but you said that the other one could be the one?” Then I replied, “he was almost the one..until he wasn’t.” Pinkie promise that I will tell you about my “9 week phenomena” at another time.
Photo by Eye For Ebony on Unsplash Surviving and thriving!
Anywho, I fell into the same survival pattern as many of my black sisters do, I adopted the “IDGAF” mentality and worked to achieve my non-mommy related goals. I threw myself into my work because it was the only thing that I could control and produce outcomes that matched my efforts. I was promoted into management; received local and state recognition for my work; traveled; kicked it with my girls in our monthly book club kickbacks; bought my first house and adopted my dog baby. I was living the black American girl dream – sans the family that I desired. I’m going to wait to share about my fourth decade for another time.
As I sit here, still humming Aaliyah…I am now nodding in agreement – “age ain’t nothing but a number.” Truth – it’s taken me longer than most to enjoy the life that I have now. I am a wife, doggy Mom to Cooper, bonus Mom and Grandma (AKA Ms. Kim). But I am living in truth to my family culture of “age defiers”! And I plan to keep living in defiance of the pre-set rules and expectations of society. I am going to age in stride with grace and style in my well-worn leather shoes…with red bottoms even!
When my mind takes me on a journey that I can’t control, it helps me to remind myself what is true. (*Shout out to my AWESOME counselor Lisa McCraney, Hope to Healing).
Truth-telling
Truth – I am in a constant state of blooming. Good seed always produces multiple blooms in its due season.
Truth – my latter days are greater than my former. I have more smiles in my life now than tears.
Truth – I am defying my biological age and will Live Out Loud for as long as I can.
Truth – age is a number, but it doesn’t have to define who I am. I will relish in it and enjoy the “mores” that come along – more wisdom, more IDGAF, more truth and more of ME!
